(updated 13 Apr 05) 

Old Strange Guy

The Co-Winners:

"I'm living PROOF that Social Security reform works!" (stan@squidworks.com)

See what happens when you take the wrong fork in the road? (lucandu@comcast.net)

The Runners Up:

Don't laugh. This man is no different than you. If pricked, won't he bleed like you. If sorrowed, won't he cry like you. If freezing, won't he shiver like you. And if he opens his mailbox won't he be PRE- APPROVED for a Visa...just like you! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Wow, I've never seen this guy outside of the NYC subway. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

"Hey, you kids! Get outta my yard!" (e-marlon@sio.midco.com)

"For my next trick I'll need three wenches from the audience..." (zenphoenix@yahoo.com)

There was a time when people feared and respected the professional snipe hunter; Now they just mainly laugh at them. (wislander@iwon.com)

Serf's up! (mashallaha@aol.com)

..Lloyd looks puzzled as he once again is picked last in the Oktoberfest games.. (allen018@aol.com)

"What's that you say? My zipper's open?" (mashallaha@aol.com)

"BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!!!" (razcactus@netzero.com)

Hey, Bill, your pop broke the leash again!!! (allen018@aol.com)

"It's..." (saxmann361@aol.com; brat.cat@verizon.net)

There's nothing like running across the captain of your old high school football team to make you feel better about yourself. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

"When Garden Gnomes Attack" tonight on FOX. (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

"Think I'll go TROLL for chicks!" (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Sometimes, I don't miss alcohol.... (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

The Dutch homeless have a more "exotic" look than our own. (tmhayes18@cfl.rr.com)

Attending the renaissance fair, $25.00 . A really neat period costume, $279.00. Making it to the port-o-potty and getting through the shoulder bag, the sash, the belt, the vest, the tunic, the drop front breeches, and my underwear without soiling myself...PRICELESS!!!! (Xlovepeaceguy68@aol.com)

David Copperfield's lesser known brother "Wendell the Dark Age Mystic" obliges the audience with his most popular number, the one-footed levitation. (razcactus@netzero.com)

Wal-Mart comes out with more realistic lawn gnomes every year. (candaceelder2002@yahoo.com)

After the shooting of "The Holy Grail", the keeper of the Bridge of Death was forced to seek other employment. (changetion@gmail.com)

"Time to make the donuts." (tygrkhat40@yaoo.com)

The list of defense witnesses in the Michael Jackson case is getting way out of hand. (darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

Is your village without an idiot? Call 1-800-TOLKIEN to adopt one today! (Dlivermore2002@yahoo.com)

We left Grandpa in a home before we moved out of state.. and then he just showed up one day! He must have followed our scent or something... (johnbrunza@yahoo.com)

WILL WORK FOR GROG (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

So that's what happened to that guy on "Sanford and Son". (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

"Lord of the Rings" meets "Lord of the Flies". (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

The next day, the conclave thought they may have made a mistake to have had too much wine and then pick this guy as the next Pope. (lexkase@san.rr.com)

Where are they now... Friedrich, from 'The Sound of Music' seems to have went downhill. (jsalava@charter.net)

Not even death could keep Howard Hughes from the premiere of "The Aviator". (jaynashvil@aol.com)

American Gothic - updated to the Bush years. (mashallaha@aol.com)

Former employee of Six Flags Theme Parks.....fired for selling two flags on EBAY (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

He standeth where the grass was green but a moment ago. (wedrixe@netscape.net)

Just think, in 30 years, he can retire. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

Coming Soon to CBS, 'Senior Citizen Survivor'. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

"Oooohh, you know there's free admission with the presentation of a dead rat? Kahok-ptui!" (HerzogVon@aol.com)

"Don't laugh... It kept me out of the Army!" (fishjean@sonic.net)

2 bagger. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Sorry, but there are some people that "Queer eye" and "Extreme makeover" wont touch with a ten foot pole or a three prong rake for that matter! (madavis62@alltel.net)

This is the last time I use MatchMate.com.I asked for a Rugged Mature Outdoors Type. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

"What language do you speak?" "Gnome-man-clature! Wha'd 'ya 'spect?" (ESH3404716@aol.com)

After being turned away from another bar, Stan finally decides to go home and sleep it off. (Eleman8859@aol.com)