(updated 14 Jun 05) 


The Tri-Winners:

After carefully consulting with the janitor, the shop teacher and the lunch lady, Johnny's mother agrees to the amputation. (pooks49@yahoo.com)

Luckily for Timmy, the school budget cuts start next month or he'd have spent the whole fourth grade like that. (muhltrayne@yahoo.com)

...and people wonder why Alabama is 49th in education. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

The Runners Up:

Did I ever tell you what a difficult birth you were? (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

"Yeah, yeah, you little moron.... you're gonna be President of the United States and your two brothers are gonna be Governors!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Well, principal Weaver, I think this calls for the Jaws of Stupidity." (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Dateline: Krakow, Poland. Rescue workers saw the head off of a young boy, in a desperate attempt to save a chair. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

"Now after we get finished installing this chair nobody will ever notice your superfluous 3rd and 4th nipples." (rayj0109@gmail.com)

"I bet you'll think twice about keeping your milk money now, eh Jimmy?" (thedraugr@yahoo.com; L1061S@go.com)

The part of that "Mean Joe Green and the Kid" commercial we never saw. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

"Hey, whose thumb is that on the... ah, crap!" (rochford@netaus.net.au)

Just a few more pieces and Bugboy's exo-skeleton will be complete. (gromitopia@yahoo.com)

Another "Star Wars" fan tried to make his own costume. (RasGold@aol.com)

I triple dog dare you! (DReale12@aol.com)

"I lobbied hard for stocks but the school board just wouldn't have it. So I had to use the next best thing", a humbled Muriel Johnson of Newport Elementary explained. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

NOW do you see what happens when you cut the Arts out of the school budgets? (DaJakAiss@optonline.net)

Johnny demonstrates his qualifications to ride the short bus to school. (pooks49@yahoo.com)

Well, the kid may be getting "The Chair", but at least they gave him a final cigarette. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

Ironically if they had just removed the lollipop from his mouth he would popped right out of there. (rampage1984@msn.com; RasGold@aol.com)

First the vending crane, now this?? James, you are GROUNDED! (mikepena@verizon.net)

"We called your mother but she's at the beauty parlor with her head stuck in the hair dryer." (maxcel200@aol.com)

Head of the Talented and Gifted class. (threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

'Free Willy' takes on a whole new meaning. (maxcel200@aol.com)

"We just might use this as your High School Graduation photo, Mr. Wise Guy." (ESH3404716@aol.com)

"Who had the bright idea of combining shop class with EMT training?" (jaynashvil@aol.com)

I guess No Child Left Behind...well, you know the rest. (scalpel@aol.com; redeyedrum@yahoo.com)

"Ok ok your parents can keep their handicapped parking sticker for another year." (pooks49@yahoo.com)

"Well, Chairboy, it seems you were no match for the Faculty Four! I, Janitor Joe, will now commence to explaining our insidious plans and then we'll see how you fare in my Clinic of Doom!" (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

Miss Krump knew Eric would be a good student, if he could just get his head in the right place.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Every sub's dream...come TRUE! Please...don't...stop... (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

And I thought having to wear a retainer was bad... (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

The sequel, "The Island of Dentist Moreau", somehow lacked the intensity of the first movie. (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

...and then there were the boys with TWICE Bush's IQ. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

This is what happens when you combine the script from the Six Million Dollar Man, and the budget of a public school theater class. (zcktomcat@aol.com)

Let this be a lesson to all you parents out there: Never take your small child - particularly if he's got a smart mouth - to the wrestling matches. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

My God, a hack saw and 4 people? Whatever happened to a tub of butter and some squirming? (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

Next brand new SAT test question: How many people does it take to remove a child's head from a seating device? (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

The moral:  Stand up before you try to stick your head up your ass. (wedrixe@netscape.net)