(updated 14 Sep 03) 

Been Laid

The Winner: Young Marvin Noeway wondered how everyone driving by him that day knew his name. (kamasushi@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

After three prior arrests for public soliciting,"Merv the Perv" Feldenberg risks another 'bench warrant'. (RWich928@aol.com)

Josef knew not one word of English, but returned to Germany from his trip to America talking about how friendly everyone was! They just smiled and laughed whenever they looked at him. (Spikerkta@aol.com)

Become a martyr today and receive 70 of these! (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Truly a case of false advertisement. (Eleman8859@aol.com)

I'd wager to say "no". (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

At least Pete could pretend for a while. (corabelle@comic.com)

Thought bubble: "Wow, that cute girl with the camera likes me! Might be my lucky day!" (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Morton, having taken a night class in advertising, confidently waits for his luck to change. (markrun330@yahoo.com)

Robert wondered why his new shoes had generated such attention. (jack@selectg.com)

Eugene spends every weekend vainly offering his virginity to any willing volunteer. (BPaul317@aol.com)

"Does it look like I've been laid? I can't even get a bus to pick me up!" (karmaman@aol.com)

How Bill Gates got his wife. (guitartexn@aol.com)

Whoops, they forgot the word "haven't" first. (JMAmommySLM@aol.com)

"I'm not only a client, I'm also President of the 'Been Laid?' club for men as well as a member of several other distinguished clubs: Star Trek Collectors Club, People for the Ethical Treatment of Beanie Babies, Right to Get-a-Lifers, Advancement for the Establishment of Recognizing "Jedi" as a Legitimate Religion, ..and many more!" (razcactus@netzero.com)

Waiting for Ruth Buzzi. And waiting. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Osama's dorky Western nephew: Hehasnt Bin Ladenyears. (lexkase@san.rr.com)

"No, but I do have a boner. I can't stand up! Help me!!! (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

A perfect example of a rhetorical question." (funandgames@jeremiah2911.org)

"Me, neither." (Pootybrew@earthlink.net)