(updated 15 Feb 03) 

At The Register

The Co-Winners: 

Lionel passes his time at the Super-L by giving away free absolutions with every six-pack. (laugh@starpower.net)

...and...

"Did you horde all those pennies?" "Nope, my sister whored half of them." (booksncomp@aol.com)

The Runners Up:  

"Oh yeah....I also have 3,897 pennies worth of gas out on pump seven." (ricktodabone@aol.com)

"I would have rolled the pennies, but I um....ran out of rolling papers" (hypnochic73@aol.com)

"Whoa whoa, you DO realize I can't count past 21 right?" (kittensoup@aol.com)

Blondie gets her revenge. Yesterday he short-changed her by a penny. (kayladykay@aol.com)

Steve knew that anyone crazy enough to hold up a liquor store by threatening to make farting sounds with their hands should not be messed with. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

"Look, next time you win the big lottery prize, I suggest you DON'T choose the "All-Penny" option, okay?" (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

Sadly, the troll's evil cackling was the last thing Juan ever heard. (y2patton@yahoo.com)

Jahi is overwhelmed with joy after becoming the first al-Qaida lottery winner! (Ty@TFW38Promotions.com)

Ever since she could remember, Darla had put a penny in her jar every day until she turned 21. And now it pays off. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

Is there anything sadder than the sight of yet another '80s pop icon, in this case Cyndi Lauper, on the skids? (Ryanpatricx@aol.com)

"Whoa there chappy! Take yer beer and yer pot o' gold and crawl back under the Blarney Stone from whence you came!" (MrsMikeyDee@aol.com)

Debbie's midriff was glowing, and Pablo wasn't sure he wanted to know why... (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

"Whoa! You'll do WHAT to me for only a six-pack and change?!?" (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

And you thought the little old lady with the coin purse was bad. (adeabelia@aol.com)

Due to the lack of funds at Make a Wish Foundation, a "Day at Disney" is replaced with "Spending the Donation Jugs of Coins on Sierra Nevada Pale Ale." (rodentsRred@hotmail.com)

"Woah, now, I'm not going to sell a minor a six pack with this camera aimed at my head, no matter HOW many times you've bought beer here!" (rose_justice@msn.com)

Deleted scenes featured in the Home Alone DVD include Kevin getting a fake ID. (Saxmann361@aol.com)

Watch next as the cashier goes into a suicidal rage next on....."Cashiers Gone Mad". (ElectJesusMayor@aol.com)