(updated 17 Oct 04) 

Bike Race

The Winner:

Clutching two cans of "Whoop Ass," Bill aims to teach Lance Armstrong a thing or two. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

The Runners Up:

The new penalty for doping seems to be working. (drmccullers@aol.com)

Nothing fancy about the pace car...but it did have two horns. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Yes, from the looks of his shadow, he is an Alien Lobster creature. (Anmchirae@aol.com)

A night of heavy drinking spelled an end to Jorus' wearing of the yellow leader's jersey. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

A mile ahead bikers would get a water spray from the roadside crowd...Morris would get a pepper spray! (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Steroids? What steroids?" (Eleman8859@aol.com)

L'Idiot de France (skibip@aol.com)

Heroically, the mob of cyclists drove the Viking raider from their village. (chharget@aol.com)

"Go Biking ??? I thought you said 'to go as a Viking'." (richdiandkids@optonline.net; Anmchirae@aol.com)

Aging Marty Liquori curses the day he ever volunteered to be foot pacer for the San Diego Bike Racing Team.... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Tour de France meets Tour de Prance (maxcel200@aol.com)

Horny guys will do ANYTHING to get attention. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Ohmigod! I hope I'm not the only one who can see him... again... (rochford@netaus.net.au)

Dave's the guest of honor at the annual Running of the Dorks. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

In France, every village has it's own idiot, except for Bourgogne, which has to share with Piedmont. (paracletus3@aol.com)

Drunk and having forgotten his bike, Lance Armstrong still easily out paces the French team. (Ddante64@aol.com)

Brian, hates his new job as Product Rep. for The Texas Bike Helmet Company. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

The FTD florist dude has a new gig!!! (steve_medel@oxy.com)

The Tour De Farce (murdoctor@aol.com)

It's not the running in a bicycle race. It's not the flag. It's the skullcap. (scalpel@aol.com)

Every sport must have at least one dedicated loser fan before ESPN will broadcast it. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

The Greek god Mercury, out of work for almost 2000 years, is reduced to picking up a little extra cash as a "pace car." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

From Going Postal To Coast To Coastal: The US Postal Service works for you! (stargl@sbcglobal.net)

Neither rain, nor snow, nor funny horns, nor stupid flag, shall stay this courier... (muhltrayne@yahoo.com)

The International Bicycling Federation attempts to handicap Armstrong in the 2005 Tour de France. (spamalope@access4less.net)

Unfortunately Red Bull gives you horns as well. (rochford@netaus.net.au)

Poor devil...they stole his bike and took everything but the handlebars! (jd8375@msn.com)

On the verge of making history by winning the Tour de France sans bicycle, Maurice is lifted up by a UFOs retractor beam, never to be seen again. (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

The U.S. Post office entered a new Stealth bicycle in the Tour De France. Competitors say the new bike's performance is out of sight. (kentoberfest@aol.com)

Bull$#!*. The US Postal Service is NOT that fast. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

OK, I understand about the invisible bike, but why are his handlebars on his helmet?? (jdcoops3@aol.com)