(updated 18 Aug 03) 

Deadwood Dick's

The Winner: New from Mattel! It's the life-size doll, My Drinkin' Buddy™! My Drinkin' Buddy™ comes with ballcap, shades, and cirrhosis of the liver! Says eight different phrases, including: "What the hell did I do last night?" and the ever-popular "I'll tell you when I've had enough to drink!" Requires both AA batteries and AA membership! (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

The Runners Up:

Being dead, has limited, but not ended Jerry Garcia's participation in the latest tour. (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

"Guys..this old dude says he only works once a year..doin' some deliveries around the globe. I think he's wasted." (princekenny2002@yahoo.ca)

Dumb-Don thought that he had to bring a friend to take advantage of the 2-for-1 drink specials. (thayes36@cfl.rr.com)

Joe helps Al Gore go undercover as a biker but he's still a little wooden. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

"I won Jerry Garcia's preserved body in a poker game! Woohoo!!" (murdoctor@aol.com)

ZZ Top has finally hit ZZ bottom. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

"Weekend at Bernie's 3" (borkat@aol.com; luganrn77@yahoo.com)

Personally, I wouldn't advertise a problem like that on my shirt. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Dave always needs a stiff drink when his buddy starts waxing philosophical. (murdoctor@aol.com)

Sven enjoys a beer with his mother to console her after the hair removal thing didn't pan out. (RWich928@aol.com)

Fierce competition for bar space during happy hour calls for drastic measures. (kamasushi@aol.com)

The most disturbing part: He got the bead necklace for lifting up his shirt in public. (murdoctor@aol.com)

Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed mannequin. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

Dick's hung around this place so long, it's like he's become part of the woodwork! (tackajoey@aol.com)

Support group for impotent men. (borkat@aol.com)

Sammy Hagar and ZZ Top have joined together for a new business venture. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)