(updated 19 Jul 03) 

UF...Oh No

The Winner:  "I know the sign says we work on foreign vehicles, but this one's got me stumped." (hvvhiii@aol.com)

The Runners Up: 

So I says to Earl, "I don't think that's a duck yer shootin' at". (alubyck@destinfla.com)

After fifty-five years and countless man hours, the old man finally finished his 8th grade science fair project. Judges were unavailable for comment but were believed to be "unimpressed". (boo507732@aol.com)

Grandpa was understandably leery of heating the extra-large Jiffy-Pop inside the garage. (tireddebb@aol.com)

Little green white trash. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

"Finally caught those bastards stealing my corn!" (sixlets_king@hotmail.com)

"You Whippersnappers get out of here! I'm getting ready to get probed!" (JayHawkWDS@aol.com)

Cletus accidentally discovered the secret of interstellar travel... but not how to get the ship out of his garage. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Cousin Jethro was building a spaceship to, quote, "Be the fist man to discover those Martians in Jupiter." (DisturbedPro@aol.com)

Secret Photos smuggled from Area 51 prove there is intelligent life out there, just not here. (ben@vick-ben.com)

"Hey honey, come look at my new moonshine still. No one will suspect a thing!" (prousachick76@aol.com)

The government will never figure out I'm the disgruntled, old farm hand geezer, responsible for all those crop circles. (tackajoey@aol.com)

"I don't know what it is, but I got it on eBay for only forty bucks!" (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Future stereotype: Redneck alien with his UFO up on blocks. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

"C'mon Granpappy. You expect me to believe that aliens use American serial numbers?!?" (Lhill@maguiregroup.com)

"And when Ah git it a-goin', Ah'm gonna go and terrorize them aliens in THEIR trailer parks! (stormsinger@myway.com)

Olaf the village fool began to think that messing around with left-behind superior alien technology was not for him. (knexho@comcast.net)

Life on the farm was a lot less lonely after the aliens showed up with their board games, but Leland still had to get likkered up before the Friday night Probe marathons. (elmiraglch@aol.com)

"Well, Mr. I found the problem, but it's gonna be a few days before we can get the part from the factory." (niteowl7710@yahoo.com)

"Whaddya mean I can't land on the sun? I'm goin' at night!" (dc9898@yahoo.com)

The voices told me, "If you build it, they will come." (yankee1nfidel@aol.com)

Earl was surprised that no one ever commented on how organized his work bench was when he showed them his garage. (wislander@iwon.com)

The world's largest thinking cap does not seem to have helped Lemuel. (zounds13@yahoo.com)

George, bored with the local gals, decided to seek a date that was out of this world. If interested, call 346-9276. (fenians58@hotmail.com)

Dork from Ork. (denise@paintinplace.com)