(updated 19 May 03) 

Ronald?

The Winner:  In 1962, while waiting at a red light, Ray Kroc had an idea.... (haldemand@aol.com)

The Runners Up: 

From a Quarter Pounder to pounding for a quarter. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

"Sure, I'm a bum now..but I used to be Big, Mac!" (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

"Mom, could you PLEASE tell dad to stop taking us to McDonald's dressed like THAT!" (Jokerzgirl77@aol.com)

"Whaddya starin' at, ya brats? Yeah, I got yer happy meal....right here.....next to my nuggets." (Whammy52@aol.com)

Ronald would forever rue the day he let Hamburglar do his taxes. (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

"Fifty plus years of service, over one billion hamburgers sold...Jesus, Mom, you'd think this clown would have his shit together!" (Magicskier@aol.com)

McDonald's is the place to go for French fries in your nose...And pickles between your toes...And Hobos in Ronald's clothes... (MrsMikeyDee@aol.com)

For all the benefits that have been held to support The Ronald McDonald House you would think he would have more belongings. (Belgmorris@aol.com)

He forgot he was supposed to ask, "You want Freedom Fries with that?" (mr_didgers@hotmail.com)

"Hot coffee, ugh...I hope she's happy." (ich2o@aol.com)

Of course he's homeless. Would you let this guy live at YOUR house? (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Life's never been the same since In Living Color's "Homey the clown" lost his job. (Shawbranch@aol.com)

From Easy Street to Greasy Street: McDonald's announces layoffs following its first losing quarter in forty-two years. "What a Kroc," mutters disgruntled spokesclown. (royboy@iglou.com)

Sign on back reads: "Will Work for Special Sauce." (HerzogVon@aol.com; TerriKlein@aol.com)

Ronald McDonald's less successful twin, the Sesame Seed Bum. (tbroox@aol.com)

"Aaawh, take a picture, it lasts longer!" (deguwright@aol.com)

"McDonald's ain't MY kinda place no damn more...." (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

"Hey you damn kids! Get outta my yard!" (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

"Oh yeah? Well, how's YOUR retirement program?" (BPaul317@aol.com)

Realizing that leaving the Today Show was a bad career move ...... Willard Scott falls on hard times while tying to revive another previous job. (TZMAC@aol.com)

This is nothing. Grimace had to sell himself into prostitution. (laugh@starpower.net)

"Bright", "happy", and "yellow" was the only thing littl' Jimmy would say for the next 75 years. (sneakingyoda@aol.com)

With McDonald's stock still slumping, Ronald has to collect recyclables on the street in order to pay for his Happy Meals, not to mention his Happy Smokes and his Happy Drinks. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

You know when Billy was 6 and that "Santa" thing died for him? This was a million times worse. (tainsam@aol.com)

Ronald dispels the popular myth that his burgers are actually made of real meat. "They're really a combination of carpets, wooden canes, and a huge wallop of special sauce," he said as he wheeled his ingredients to the kitchen. (bc320@aol.com)