(updated 19 Nov 05) 

Balancing Drink

The Tri-Winners:

Some men see the glass as half empty. Some men see the glass as half full. Most men don't even see the glass! (maxcel200@aol.com)

I don't know the guy on the left.. but the guy on the right is definitely Paul Simon. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

Nice resume!!! You're hired. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

"I'll take "What is Ted Kennedy's worst dilemma?" for 100, Alex." (lexkase@san.rr.com)

Nothing beats a well balanced, full bodied wine. (madavis62@alltel.net)

For her next trick, she will smack herself on the ass and the glass will land on her head. (nstn@statefarm.com)

I always wondered what a glass of Tat was. (ahines3103@aol.com)

"...then you aim the water pistol at her mouth and if you get her balloons to burst before the others, you win a stuffed animal." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

As if they already didn't command enough attention. (maxcel200@aol.com)

"Alright, who ordered the Sangria on the double?" (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Talk about over-compensating for a small penis! (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

"How about a D-D-D-D-Drink?" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"Jeeze, Mom, Father Smith doesn't want to see that trick." (lexkase@san.rr.com)

Well, you've seen Ronald McDonald. You've seen Jack. Some of you have even seen Wendy. This is, of course, the Dairy Queen. :) (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

"You put the wine on the coconuts and drink it all up..." (murdoctor@aol.com)

"Hey! Look me in the EYE when I'm talking to you!" (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Misty did well in the bartending portion of the "Perfect Woman" contest, but later failed miserably in the "slaving over the stove" semifinal. (glacier68@comcast.net)

The service is lousy, the food is awful and the drinks are watered down but who cares? I LOVE this bar!!! (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

"Make mine a double please" (steve_medel@oxy.com)

"Never let it be said, that I can't hold my liquor." (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"I'll be back with your salad in a minute, my hands are full." (dennisilvr@aol.com)

She likes to reminisce about her three-way with Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

If that's just cleavage, the Grand Canyon is just a ditch. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

If she had a big divot in her head to hold the remote, she'd be the perfect woman. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

One glass...that's nothing! I knew a buxom lawyer so endowed she that could rest a case! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Mitzi resorted to extreme measures to keep people from noticing she had put ice cubes in her wine. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

If you could mix Mick Jagger, Michael Jackson and Dolly Parton DNA in a dish, this is what you'd get. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Another memorable moment from the Clinton Presidency! (edprocoat@msn.com)

VAMPIRE Merlot ........ on ice! .... That's nice!!!! (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

Since her hands were full, Christy had to find somewhere to put her drink. (glacier68@comcast.net)

Lou Ann delivers drinks to the tables, no doubt seeking big TIPS. (KAYLADYKAY@AOL.COM)

For $1,000 the Eventual Descent Society will put your loved one's cremated remains into her next implant. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

When Bartles and James went goth the ad campaigns got really weird. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

"Hah! Then Steven Tyler walks in, dressed in drag, with a severed ass in his arms with a drink balanced on one cheek! It was the best!' --Famous Aerosmith Moments (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

"Drink up, buoys!" (HerzogVon@aol.com)

With a chest like that if she's balancing anything less than a one gallon jug of wine I'm not going to be impressed. (manpretty@gmail.com)

Hooters of Transylvania has a unique way of serving drinks during happy hour.... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Felicia prefers showing off her boobs to making small talk with boobs. (KAYLADYKAY@AOL.COM)

Illustrating Ian Malcolm's 'chaos theory' at the wet and wild Crazy Horse! (kyzka2@yahoo.com.au)

Modest, demure, just not the words that come to mind. (edprocoat@msn.com)

Look if your chest was that big you'd probably have a tough time putting on make up too. (manpretty@gmail.com)

Wow. Never thought I'd see a rack that could actually turn me off. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Big deal. Can SHE pass the pencil test? (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

I didn't know wine came in jugs... (Thimblekisses@earthlink.net)

Wow. That drink is on more than the rocks. (brat.cat@verizon.net)

"Sure, the Hooters waitresses have those cute uniforms, but can they do this?" (zambonis6@comcast.net)

".....but when I'm lying on my back, I'm two inches taller." (dennisilvr@aol.com)