(updated 20 Dec 03) 


The Tri-Winners:

The only bed on which this guy will ever get nailed. (murdoctor@aol.com)

Afraid of falling asleep in the last seconds, Monk utilizes all tactics to win the custom Harley seat on eBay. (RWich928@aol.com)

Exhibit "A" in Michael Jackson's "By Comparison, I'm Really Quite Normal" trial. (skibip@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

But first, a comment to these two...

"No, not the freak in front, the freak in back. You can't wear platform shoes and a fuschia coat in December! God, what planet is SHE from?" (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

Maybe it's me, but those shoes do not go with that pink dress. (witsend@sevinex.com) ..."Yeah yeah...it worked with the yellow truck/Robotic Cop pic...but it's not going to work every week".

An ouch potato. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Being a kind man his whole life, Joe marked the cut line to make the coroner's job easy. (bchbums99@cox-internet.com)

Those divorce settlements can be painful! (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

"I got tetanus by stepping on a rusty nail. Larry Parker got me $72,000,000!" (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Thrust into the present day by an odd cosmic accident, Saint Sebastian finds he fits right in San Francisco.... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

"Of course I'm demonstrating!...I just hope someone else besides me, gets the point!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The Average Man on HumorMeOnline.com (bob9514@aol.com)

ONLINE "SIMON SAYS" FOR THE SELF MUTILATOR........Simon didn't say touch your knee..Deduct 200 points and burn another cross below the belly button. (randy.renner@juno.com)

Motel 666, we'll leave the street light on for you!! (odatopt@aol.com)

Trying to outdo other magicians, The Great Baldini enhances the pain involved in the bed of nails trick by watching "Gigli" during it. (rpearson@umr.edu)

Proof positive that we are losing the war on drugs. (penpendisarapen@yahoo.com)

When asked if he had ever had sex on-line..he replied, "I've been nailed while on the computer plenty of times".. (allen018@aol.com)

The Ultimate PowerPoint presentation. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Trent Reznor...the early years. (avit.web@verizon.net)

The new low budget horror flick "Heck Raiser" (jajuta@comcast.net)

Introducing the new Fox reality series..."The Dumbest Person In America". (Dkndwn99@aol.com)

While carefully spaced at a precise distance of one and three-eighths inches apart to equally disburse his body weight, Floyd's bed-of-nails routine was seemingly planned to be executed without a single flaw. However, it was the untimely arrival of the Good Humor truck down the middle of the road that would prove to be his demise. (razcactus@netzero.com)

On pins and needles watching Trista and Ryan (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

To open: Tear along perforation. (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

Boy, I hope he's not logging on to the same computer dating site that I'm on. (sballkuhns@yahoo.com)

"You've got NAIL?!" (HerzogVon@aol.com; noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

This is what happens in an extreme case of "Trading Spaces" addiction. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

True, Bud's HMO cut corners for some surgical procedures, but at least his "room" had a TV. (chharget@aol.com)

The scene immediately precluding the city mandate that Jed not be allowed to watch "Hellraiser" in public ever again. (rose_justice@msn.com)

"No, idiot -- I said to increase the iron intake, not the iron ONTAKE." (JIMKEBARN@aol.com)

"And you too can have acupuncture right in your own home or back yard, for the low price of 19.95, and if you act now, you will also receive this towel as our way of saying "Thanks"!! (Brendaj0y@aol.com)

I'm sure its safe to say that he wont be meeting any weirdos on line... (allen018@aol.com)

Bruce Willis IS David Blaine, in "Public Spectacle", due out next year. (amazingpfil@yahoo.com)

Give us your tied, your poor, your huddled masses, but PLEASE, NO SWISS PEOPLE! (darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

"Good thing they gave me this towel to throw over myself, I would hate to freak anyone out." (Rabdreadr@aol.com)