(updated 20 Feb 05) 

Umbrella Guys

The Co-Winners:

"I'm 106 and kinda senile...what's YOUR excuse?" (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

"It's like I'm looking into a mirror." (davidmibarra@yahoo.com)

The Runners Up:

What can I say? Weed is legal there. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

"Excuse me, sir, you are sitting on my wife. (Dreale12@aol.com)

Beatlejuice! Beatlejuice! Beatlejuice! (AnthrStupdSN@aol.com)

Dr. Jorgensen smiled as the solar-powered life-force transfer neared completion, while his "donor" shrank before his eyes, his last gasp a barely audible expletive. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

Holland's village idiot finally makes a friend. (noveed@yahoo.com)

"Is it raining up there?" (coa1127@yahoo.com)

"Like I was telling Edna back in 1922, I knew this hat would be back in style someday." (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Mr. Holland really only wanted an opus. (old.curmdugeon@hmoforum.com)

Sven and his father did not fully understand the ramifications of eating the tainted mushrooms until days later. (RWich928@aol.com)

This is how dumb people get prepared when the Terror Alert goes to Orange. (ericray64@sbcglobal.net)

Every year the surviving members of the original band of dwarfs got together. Doc and Dopey were the last two ever seen publicly. (paracletus3@aol.com)

"There's supposed to be a terrible storm right now...glad we wore our umbrella hats...these people are gonna look like total idiots....yep...any minute now." (Jasmine640@aol.com)

Sadly, Gary Busey has finally lost it. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

The competition for Fort Lauderdale's best dressed had come down to the final two. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

The Larson Family waits patiently for the Bus to take them to Stupidville. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

Proof that, no matter what your age, if you wear an umbrella hat, you look like a dork. (lexkase@san.rr.com)

Good news ladies - they're both single! (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

It's really the cape that makes you wonder. (old.curmdugeon@hmoforum.com)

Another sad example of a phrase 'lost in the translation': "Going out Dutch". (paracletus3@aol.com)

"Bad hair day? Yeah, me too." (tpanner@inorbit.com)

The old man finally had groupies, but it was too late. (bobshush2@yahoo.com)

"As soon as I uncross my legs you'll be outsized once again." (davidmibarra@yahoo.com)

The New IQ Test featuring photo visuals: 1. Which umbrella is larger? A. left; B. right; C. they are the same (tmhayes18@cfl.rr.com; richdiandkids@optonline.net)

"Y'know, my bowels are like a box of chocolates. I never know what I'm gonna get." (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Suddenly it struck Albert that this was his long lost son. (bjjtoff@tds.net)

"You gonna pick up that cup, or do I gotta whip your tulip pluckin' ass?" (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

"Can you pick up Howard Stern on yours?" (wazzit2ya76@aol.com)

"I don't care what your mother says. I say it's NOT going to rain and as soon as she leaves the area we are taking off these STUPID HATS!" (fbmarz@earthlink.net)