(updated 21 Jan 06) 

Coffin Computer

The Tri-Winners:

No security problems with this machine - it's all encrypted. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Now I have seen everything...a coffin with Windows. (mashallaha@aol.com)

And you can buy this model on our easy lay away plan. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

Finally, that "FATAL ERROR" message on my computer makes sense! (cdmauger@aol.com)

Giving a new meaning to the words "Caches to caches; dust to dust"! (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Preparing to play Ultimate Doom. (rod.renner@juno.com)

It's a great representation of his love life. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Great, now John Edwards is gonna tell me he's getting email from my dead relatives. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

Gives new meaning to the term "Blue Screen Of Death". (JOSQUARD@aol.com; thedraugr@yahoo.com)

I don't even want to know what kind of porn he's surfing for. (strontium901@juno.com)

A perfect fit, only the dead have enough time to get Windows working right. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Dead HMO contestant with an 'out of the box' caption. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Great! another way for you PC to freeze up...rigor mortis. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

What would Jesus do?...save, of course! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Error 666: connection to the afterlife timed-out. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)

Bob's favorite website: WWW.soulmates.com (maxcel200@aol.com)

...with his technician hard at work, Bill Gates continues to make plans on how to take it all with him. (allen018@aol.com)

The computer even comes with a post modem! (maxcel200@aol.com)

I'm going to win that Ebay auction if its the last thing I do! (jaynashvil@aol.com)

I think my hard drive's dead. (ahines3103@aol.com)

They finally came up with a computer that is scarier than this dork's shirt. (lexkase@san.rr.com)

How about this ad clip: A tisket a tasket a PC in a casket. No! Bury the whole concept! (ESH3404716@aol.com)

Mortimer's Online Mortuary. We'd like to "urn" your business. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

I just knew I'd never get away from pop-ups. (muhltrayne@yahoo.com)

Dude, you're gettin' a .....pine box? (L1061S@go.com)

...Bob seems to really get into his work when sending fatal viruses over the web... (allen018@aol.com)

Eddie Munster on the next episode of Overhaulin'. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

He's been dying to get this computer!!! (Sunni61773@aol.com)

Dear Dell, I have just received your latest model with your 'Till Death Do Us Part Warranty' and am very pleased. However, I feel there is some kind of subliminal message that discourages warranty claims. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

Yeah... waxed 'tache, bad shirt, debating trophy on display - no wonder he has so much time on his hands. (rochford@netaus.net.au)

At least it's better than that one he made out of a mammogram machine. (wedrixe@netscape.net)