(updated 21 May 05) 

Big Slot Machine

The Tri-Winners:

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...hell, it's too big to move, anyway! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Try as he might, the illegitimate son of Kenny Rogers was never quite the gambler his father was... (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

Leonard kept putting in money and pulling the handle waiting for a whore to fall out of the bottom, then it hit him. It was a SLOT machine. (phaartking@yahoo.com)

The Runners Up:

The new Bally slot machine for the macular degeneration generation. (mitrep@aol.com)

Moments before being buried alive by gigantic quarters, Mr. Haskins unwittingly pulls down the "Lever of Death". (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

People misunderstood Harry when he said he wanted to stop at the bar... (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

When his creditors confronted him about unpaid debts, Harry told them he had a handle on it. (kintzer@hotmail.com)

Hopefully he'll win enough to pay for the hernia surgery. (l1061s@go.com; mashallaha@aol.com)

How drunk is this guy? He just put a dollar in to buy some stamps. (maxcel200@aol.com)

A Bob Barker wet dream! (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Tex decided to go for the big bucks. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Clem was about to go dry in the spin cycle. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Chuck put his whole weight into his spin, and broke the bank. Literally. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com)

Wouldya pay OUT already? It looks like that daddy needs a new pair of SHOES! (paracletus3@earthlink.net; messenger_si@sbcglobal.net)

The handle is the easy part; the 20 pound $1.00 tokens are the really tough part. (madavis62@alltel.net)

Retired Vegas magician, Dax Harrison, shows off a move from his new exercise video, "15 Minute Slot Aerobics". (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

Jim, in his blissful last moments, oblivious to the impending shower of 50-pound silver dollars. (kester55@netzero.net)

Man, I am so wasted...this toilet handle feels huge! (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

Gee, "Kenny Roger's Roasters" must not be doing too well. (jrgracey1@aol.com)

This is how I work out. Other than lifting a brew. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

Must be a dentist or a politician, cos' he sure has a lot of pull around here. (ESH3404716@aol.com)

The red sign at the bottom says: "Warning: We are not responsible for stupid, fat middle-aged men giving themselves coronaries trying to play this machine. Furthermore, no winnings will be paid posthumously." (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Another man with a Napoleon complex strikes again! (nwolkonsky@bellsouth.net)

George Lucas can finally enjoy his retirement. (jajuta@comcast.net)

Ten times bigger, to suck up your savings ten times fast. (scalpel@aol.com)

Another artsy-fartsy Nike commercial. Geez. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Actually, the machine is normal size. The man is a mutant miniature as a result of prolonged atomic testing. Ah, that Nevada! (HerzogVon@aol.com)