(updated 23 Nov 03) 

Guzzling At The Bar

The Co-Winners:

The Irish Times called this "a pathetic attempt by a rank amateur." (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

The monthly meeting of Alcoholics Unanimous. (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)

The Runners Up:

Beer Pressure (kelley_simpson@hotmail.com)

Obviously...this guy can't hold his liquor. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The winner of the Texas Chile Pepper eating contest! (iRonni@msn.com)

I said, "a pale ale", not "a pail of ale". (BikeMike101@hotmail.com)

Dave's secret to winning the "snow writing" contest! (cshaw3752@aol.com)

WHAT??!!??!!?? Y'all are just going to throw that tasty fryer grease in the garbage? I THINK NOT!!!!!! (lovepeaceguy68@aol.com)

I have to pee just looking at that. (funandgames@jeremiah2911.org)

A good friend will help you with your drinking problem. (borkat@aol.com)

New this week on Fox, "Beer Factor." (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

You'll have to drink all this beer to equal the nutrition of just one bowl of Total. (borkat@aol.com)

I think we can narrow down who the designated drinker is tonight. (funandgames@jeremiah2911.org)

...If ballparks gave you the actual amount beer you just paid for. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

The saying isn't, "The more you drink the better YOU look". (hethr81@aol.com)

I promised my wife I'd only have one beer... (Penguann2@aol.com; Nitramxxx@aol.com)

"Last call" was always a special time for Bill and his friends. (Belgmorris@aol.com)

People who flunk their urine test have to drink the evidence. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Larry, Jack, and Bill once again mull over why they are dateless on a Friday night. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

It's taken me twenty-five years since I entered college to build up this kind of tolerance, but I'll make it through the fraternity initiation this year if it kills me! (DA6030@cox.net)

Fred was a little uncertain as to whether or not he could make the two-drink-minimum. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

The first annual "I Bet I Can Get Cirrhosis of the Liver Before You" contest! (dzed68@yahoo.com)

Tom Arnold's bachelor party prior to marrying Roseanne. (Penguann2@aol.com)

Quick! Before Paul Bunyan gets back from the bathroom...!! (t_fromthe_edge@yahoo.com)

This may look funny but you really do need that much if you're going to burp out the "Star Spangled Banner". (iRonni@msn.com)

Larry overcompensates for sixteen years as a designated driver. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

"It's okay; I had Subway." (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

The doctor told me I needed more fiber in my diet -- barley and hops -- does that count??? (PAT123Z@aol.com)

My wife is going to look good tonight! (smhodges_99@yahoo.com)