(updated 27 May 03) 

No Comment

The Winner:  Harry prayed daily for a sign from God that his latest diet would work but alas he never saw one. (Jeskissfan@aol.com)

The Runners Up: 

"When I asked the waiter who Phat Phuc was he didn't have to put a mirror in my doggie bag." (stillwy2biatchy@hotmail.com)

Previously he was at Mai Tai Needong. (doodardoodar@aol.com)

Chinese Beef & Brothel...an hour later, and you're horny again. (HeadlessKayaker@aol.com)

"Hmmm now, Phat Phuc... why does that sound so familiar? Oh right, the boys in gym!" (QuarterHorse06@aol.com)

"So where is my whorsey sauce?" (mashallaha@aol.com)

Never hold a contest asking teenage customers for suggestions on a new business name. (Shawbranch@aol.com)

Clueless middle-aged white guys shouldn't try to use modern slang. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Phat Phred Phinds that his Phonetic Phoods Phranchise is a Phlop, but he can't Phigure out why people won't even try it. (Pootybrew@earthlink.net)

Mr. Noodle stands outside his newly opened establishment. His other Bar, "The Obese Jerk" is across town. (KatSut78@aol.com)

Oriental Photo-Puns, #1 in a series. Collect them all!: A man with a big penis in front of the Long Dong Chinese Restaurant; an attractive woman in front of the Sum Yung Chik Restaurant; an old guy smoking a cigarette in front of Wun Lung Chinese Bakery; two women talking in front of Chew Fat Laundry; a taxi with a Viagra ad on the roof in front of Yu Kum Soon Chop House; a woman with huge breasts in front of Pon Toon Amusement Center; a drunk sitting on the sidewalk in front of Tai Wan On Grill.... (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

After leaving with his order.. he realized he had been PHUC'D... (gregparsons68@yahoo.com)

"Why was I the only person in the store that they gave a free pound of Lo Mein and a complimentary T-shirt?" (murdoctor@aol.com)

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times...it's pronounced 'faht fook'! Don't make me go Oriental on your ass!" (royboy@iglou.com)

Not being versed in linguistics, Joe thought everyone was simply amused by his choice of neckties. (kamasushi@aol.com)

Owner of the store examines the "noodle in question" for the first time in years. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

"That's the last time I follow up on an entry level job from the 'Sarcastic Bastard Employment Agency'...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

In the North Jersey spirit of having an Italian owned business, Phil "phat phuc" Petrino, follows the tradition of putting his nickname in the title. (sonamahbeach@aol.com)

Sometimes you wanna go, where everybody knows his naaaame... (comedian2000@hotmail.com)