(updated 28 Jan 04) 

Playground Racer

The Winner:

Ding-a-Ling-Ling (murdoctor@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

While Timmy trains to one day become a professional motorcycle racer, his brother, Joe, practices climbing the slide to prepare for his ascent up Mt. Everest. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

Evel Kneivel's comeback tour was off and... well, just off. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

That crazy son of a bitch is walking up the slide! (razcactus@netzero.com)

Apparently he has better drugs than we do. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Due to budget cuts the movie "Torque" was not all it was cracked up to be. (jygirl8@aol.com)

To seek out the real pedophile, Michael goes undercover at Neverland. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

You've got serious thrill issues, dude. (speedybure_10@yahoo.com)

One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer. (dirkmcgurt@aol.com)

Panda-monium ensued when Jake took the lead on the last curve of the race. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

The cheap Japanese import version of the Matrix just seemed to be lacking something. . . (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

Looks like someone let the inner child out of him. (pizzafreak48076@aol.com)

Aie! It is Dorkchan, the Daylight Ninja! (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

No matter how hard they try, Michael Jackson's kids just never seem to fit in! (jaxfam96@aol.com)

The real reason that Speed Racer's parents never told him about his older brother, Racer X. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

This is why it is SO important to say "no" to drugs. (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Tom Cruise's idea of doing his own stunts. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

You'd think he'd wear at least a little white to "blend" a little better. (witsend@sevinex.com)

This must be Los Angeles; no one's even paying attention to him. (pigbella1@aol.com)

Classic example of what happens to over-protected kids when they grow up. (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

You know, just because Timmy lives with Xeroderma Pigmentosum doesn't mean he can't play like the other children. (tainsam@aol.com)

That idiot! everybody knows Green Sea Horses go faster than Pandas! (Endocrom@aol.com)

He knew the stroller would be closing in fast! (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

David Hasselhoff returns as Knight Rider in the upcoming sequel to "Kindergarten Cop, Taking it to The Sandbox". This time it gets messy! (randy.renner@juno.com)

Then Came Bronson: The Wonder Years. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)