(updated 30 Dec 04) 

Santas On Computers

The Tri-Winners:

FedExmas: When it absolutely, positively has to be there in one night -- worldwide! (stan@squidworks.com)

December 26th...Monster.com's website crashes. (Rattmom2@aol.com)

Santa Clones are comiiiiing to towwwwn... (brat.cat@verizon.net)

The Runners Up:

"What do mean you're on the 'do not call list'?.. little bastard." (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

Do you mind telling me why these aren't LAP-tops...? (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Great now I'm on 5 naughty lists. (rampage1984@msn.com)

Through the use of spyware, Santa's helpers have reclassified tens of thousands of men as NAUGHTY. (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

How is it that the NORTH POLE has DSL access and my neighborhood doesn't? (Gambleandbluff@aol.com)

When you spend hours talking with small children, you enjoy an "adult" conversation once in a while. (kayladykay@aol.com)

Subordinate Clauses (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

FINALLY! A believable explanation to how the fat guy gets to All the children in the world in one night. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

"Darnit! Why doesn't Yahoo! Maps have 'Little Timmy's House' listed as a legitimate address?!" (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

"So many naughty girls....so little time." (madavis62@alltel.net)

So now we know where those drunken unemployable Santas work the rest of the year. Public meet your AOL techs. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

"Dial-a Santa, please ho-ho-hold!" (MrglsJon@aol.com)

"Hey...I've got some wise guy on here calling himself 'Virginia'...!" (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Those creatures are stirring, and so are the mouses. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

The real Santa's biggest nightmare: Identity theft on the Internet! (maxcel200@aol.com)

"On Download!..On Log On!..On Keyboard!..On Monitor!..On Mouse!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Recording industry's penalty for illegally downloading Christmas music. (threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

"Yeah baby, my pole points north." (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

And the great thing is they work for only milk and cookies. (Ringo@illuSchoen.net)

Isn't that weird how if you hold the mirror just right, it seems as if you can see into infinity? (Lovepeaceguy68@aol.com)

No more coal for the people on the naughty list, just lots and lots of spam! (iholdridge@aol.com)

"One Kringle-dingie...two Kringle-dingies..." (john.ewing@ogilvypr.com)

These days, Santa can make a list and check it twice in a nanosecond, thanks to the Pentium 5 chip. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)