(updated 31 Mar 05) 

Slide Rule Guys

The Co-Winners:

To purchase a slide rule this large, you will need someone to cosine. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

The Pickett Slide Rule Company is about to launch their annual clearance sale: Everything 50.3486724 percent off. (maxcel200@aol.com)

The Runners Up:

"We also sell 8-track tapes in case you're interested." (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Today, on the Geek Antique Roadshow... (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

Where mathematicians go to get some serious bling. (spamalope@access4less.net)

When they upgraded to a more 'modern' form of calculation, Tom and Harvey Smidley were heard to exclaim "abakiss my ass"! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Why would a company still make these things? Go figure! (rod.renner@juno.com)

And so it begins... the calculation of when they'll ever get laid. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com; MrglsJon@aol.com)

Five years later, Charlie and Sid can laugh at their Y2K preparations. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

"Dude, we rule!" (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

They must be working on "Plank's Constant." (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

Please, just tell me how much I owe in taxes! (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Greedy little bastards...give em' an inch and they'll take a mile. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Oooh, oooh, oooh... it's the nerd museum, it's the nerd museum... I remember going there as, er, um... (threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

"We at Pickett Slide Rules would like to present our biggest competitive advantage over newer inventions - you can't whallop anyone's knuckles with a PC." (dart270@geocities.com)

Hey, I'd like to see you stir a cup of coffee with your fancy shmancy electronic calculator. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

From left to right: Second and first place winners in the "Just Say No to Sex" contest ... (agoudie@cableone.net)

Am I the only geek here to realize that this picture was posted on "Pi Day"? 3.14 ? (electronicwaffle@yahoo.com)

"When I said I wanted to be in the ruling class, this isn't what I meant." (fparsons@yahoo.com)

Bob & Dave figure it's only a matter of time before this "electronic calculator fad thing" is over and they're on the road to financial wealth! (jd8375@msn.com)

Bigger than a palm pilot but only a 'fraction 'of the cost. (maxcel200@aol.com)

The man on the left used a leading competitor's product, while the man on the right used Enzyte. Which one is more effective? You be the judge. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

This company also makes pocket protectors and tape for repairing glasses. (rod.renner@juno.com)

(Voiceover) "Yes, this is the calculating instrument that put men on the moon. But your sixth grader can't do long division. Time to call Sylvan!" (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

Compensation issues?? (astae@paonline.com; HerzogVon@aol.com)

Obviously becoming senile, Col. Sanders shows up for the wrong commercial (bjjtoff@tds.net)

To combat IBM's new super fast computer Big Blue, Hans and Franz create Big Yellow. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

The guys who keep stats for the porn stars. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

For years, the consolation prize on Jeopardy! (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

The new Ti-87 'Retro' Edition. (bobshush2@yahoo.com)

What's your sine? (DesyHand@aol.com)

Before...After...That's all I'm saying! And I can't believe I'm saying it! Let alone submitting the entry... (walkingmiracle@verizon.net)

Ernie and Ollie Jurmansk have finally solved which playground equipment was better: it's obvious that the "SLIDE RULES"! (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

"Keep smiling dad, even though we don't know what hell these damn things are." (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Impressive. But can they do the Electric Slide? (chick65@aol.com)

"Alright son, you beat your ol' man. Yours IS bigger than mine." (fbmartinez@earthlink.net)

"I had it almost in the boat when it snapped my line and took off!!" (johnbrunza@yahoo.com)

It's not the size of the ruler but how you slide it. (zenphoenix@yahoo.com)

"Oh, the yellow rules of Texas, Are the only slides for me. They shine just like pure sulfur, In a calculating sea. They're always oiled and ready, And easily do slide. Oh, the yellow rules of Texas, Only rules I can abide!" ( Not your daddy's Jib-Jab! ) (HerzogVon@aol.com)