(updated 6 Oct 04) 

Newlyweds?

The Co-Winners:

In a rehearsal for their eventual divorce, Kevin practices standing around with his hand out. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

"Just give me they keys to the Honeymoon Trailer." (SPTirish@aol.com; spamalope@access4less.net)

"Hurry up man, just give me the condom... I'm on my honeymoon and I already got two kids I can't pay for." (Rabdreadr@aol.com)


The Runners Up:

Britney: "I can't wait to been seen in cellulite like the tabloids say." Photographer: "That's celluloid, you numbskull." (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

"Your Honor, get ready to start the stopwatch... my buddies need it for the pool." (stan@squidworks.com)

For two weeks in a row, PhotoLaughs features a loser with an inflatable plastic doll behind him. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

"Yeah, he's such a doll. He got me this hat as my wedding present at Nick's Truck Stop up on the interstate." (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

The hotel check out time was 11:00 a.m. ...same time as the annulment. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Registered at WalMart, Target, Dollar Savers, and Jim's Top Trailers. (stargl@sbcglobal.net)

"Just wait 'til Justin sees you and me together... he's gonna be SOOO jealous!" (motorbreath2000@netscape.net)

The only thing not tainted at this ceremony: a bottle of pure mountain spring water. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Getting Married on "Free Cap Day" was to much for Britney to say "no" to. (SPTirish@aol.com)

Following with her white-trash traditions, Britney and her new hubby collect their first unemployment check. (DesyHand@aol.com)

If black tends to be slimming, yellow must be REALLY slimming. (chharget@aol.com)

"No, dude, I don't want 15 minutes alone in the john with her. You gotta pay for the burgers in cash." (julie@blackbox.elsewhere.org)

Britney says they'll be married until forever. Maybe: "Forever" is the name of her next album. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

"Pay up. I TOLD you she was dumber than a post!" (TheWhineCritic@aol.com)

Pop Quiz: Which of the following items makes Britney look the most trashy? (A) Trucker cap (B) Gaudy earrings (C) Choker collar (D) Bright yellow string bikini top (E) Skimpy worn-out denim shorts (F) Him (murdoctor@aol.com)

"No, we're not Kevin and Britney, now give me my food stamps and free cheese!" (PowerPuffs003@aol.com)

"We reserve the right to refuse service to stupid people, read the sign!" (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Britney's suitors take numbers in this undated file photo. (scalpel@aol.com)

"Don't worry about Bush's face on the twenty, just give me my change." (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

Proof that God only answers SOME prayers. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

"I'm sorry, but all our sections for next week's Jerry Springer show are filled..." (candaceelder2002@yahoo.com)

"Give me five. No, seriously, I need five bucks to cover the tip on Britney's lunch, give it to me." (lexkase@san.rr.com)