(updated 7 Aug 04) 

Baseball Bat

The Tri-Winners:

"Naw... we go through this every time the Giants come to town." (fishjean@sonic.net)

"I told you we should have done a hockey stick!" (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

The truckers wandered Gotham aimlessly, searching for the Bat Cave. (L1061S@go.com)

The Runners Up:

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing... (anmchiraE@aol.com)

"According to our calculations, Mr. Bonds, this is the bat you should be swinging based on the amount of steroids you've taken." (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

Beware of those male enhancement ads that promise to bring you the biggest woody ever! (maxcel200@aol.com)

The Louisville Slugger Bat Company finally catches up with the steroid industry. (shanman452@aol.com)

"Hey Sosa!!--Good luck on finding enough cork for this one !!" (jdcoops3@aol.com; Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

Paul Bunyan High School gets a national treasure: A bat owned by 'the Babe'. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Thus proving conclusively that Oswald was the lone gunman. (seeker@vcoms.net)

You need really big balls to swing a bat like that. (anmchiraE@aol.com)

No matter what they try, the Mets are still going to lose. (doc1x1@yahoo.com)

"Steroids in baseball? Don't be ridiculous!" laughed Barry Bonds as he received his latest shipment of bats. (JOSQUARD@aol.com; Eleman8859@aol.com)

"Special delivery, from a Mr. G. W. Bush, for Michael Moore's ass!" (murdoctor@aol.com)

Cattle mutilation, crop circles, and, now, giant bats. Those Aliens are trying to tell us something, but what? (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

I was wondering what actually happened to the Rain Forest!!!! (Sugarbaybee69@aol.com)

"Boy oh boy, my wife was right, I should have asked for directions on how to get to the ballpark!" (sis15oktt@aol.com)

Now that's what I call playing in the "big leagues". (doc1x1@yahoo.com; AnmchiraE@aol.com)

Delivery for Mr. Soft Speaker. (agoudie@cableone.net)

His wife said she wouldn't be satisfied until her got her the biggest diamond in the world. We're taking bets. Will she pass out, scream or hit him with that bat. (anmchiraE@aol.com)

A sad, ignominious occasion indeed as the remnants of Howard Hughes' one proud "Spruce Goose" are reconfigured and moved from Long Beach, CA. to their new home at Cooperstown, NY. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

The locals finally decide to audition for The Discovery Channel's show "BIG". (pat123z@aol.com)

"...breaker 19...we have a logjam at the corner of Louisville and Slugger..." (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

I guess that "BUILD IT, AND THEY WILL COME" wasn't explicit enough! (paracletus3@aol.com)

Maybe this year the Cubs will hit one past that stupid fan. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

"I don't care how much the guy wants or if he's a free agent...if that is his bat, we can't lose!" (richterrobert@hotmail.com)

You should see the size of the belfry this is going to be hung in! (paracletus3@aol.com)

Japan finally produces a new weapon to get rid of that pesky Godzilla. (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Louisville police SWAT team's battering ram? (mashallaha@aol.com)

The mayor had asked that a few large bats be brought in to help rid the community of its dangerous insect population. When the truck rolled in, he realized he should have been more specific. (pjb1671@netscape.net)

Finally!! Something big enough to shove down my mother-in-laws throat when she talks too much!!! (steve_medel@oxy.com)

There was a lot of excitement in Mudville when Paul Bunyan joined the team. (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)

Someone's compensating big-time. (spamalope@access4less.net; Blazinice6@aol.com)

Coming This summer to theaters: "Honey, I Blew Up the Little League Team" (redbarron1010@aol.com)

"Hey! I wouldn't wanna' be the Bat Boy at that game!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)