(Updated 10 Aug 07)

As you may already know, Leis isn't feeling very great, and we wish him a speedy recovery so he can get back here and help me out like only he can. In the meantime, I've asked Bucko to stand in, and he graciously accepted. Well, I do have naked photos of him with those puffins...but I seriously think he woulda done it even IF I didn't have them...you know...maybe. :) Awww, I joke but I do appreciate him piling on more work he only gets paid for in laughter and the occasional "ewwwww" that you'll probably never see. But trust us on our not showing you...afterall, we ARE indeed pseudoprofessionals, and as such, know what's best.

Really Bad Things Overheard in Line While Waiting for the Final 'Harry Potter' Book
(Topic suggested by Kamasushi@gmail.com)

"See that other line? They're waiting for the enhanced 'Lord of the Rings' box set. Geeks." (monetmonet@artlover.com)

"I heard the ending is all a dream, and J.R. shoots Voldemort." (guitartexn@aol.com)

"Dumbledore? I thought you said Dumbledorf. You mean Tim Conway isn't her signing his book, 'Dumbledorf on Prestidigitation?'" (mulepiper@yahoo.com) Ah...so now we all know who bought that video...you know, you COULD always donate it to HMO as a prize.

"I knew a hairy potter in the 60's....her name was Sabrina and she made psychedelic coffee mugs." (skibip@aol.com) MOM??!!

"I wonder what they'll call the porno knock-off of this title?" (I think "Hairy Peter and the Deathly Hollows" is enough). (brat.cat@verizon.net)

Now two from the "Can we possibly rehash some HMO stuff and use it to get Rat's Asses?" section. And I guess the answer is "yes"...

"I hope the broom doesn't make Harry's taint sore." (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

"I'm here to get the Ultimate Blender Cookbook. What are you people here for?" (rod.renner@juno.com)

"Did you know that J. K. Rowling stand for "Just Kidding." It's all a scam." (skibip@aol.com)

"If these books already came with a penis-shaped hole in them, it would save me so much time..." (ThePaF@Gmail.com) I, uh, think you're "reading" the books with the wrong "eye".

"No, I said I HAD to pee, Mom. Now I don't." (rockitower@aol.com)

"Voldemort is really Harry's father and Hermione is really his twin sister when they were separated as orphaned babies." (DOrr221@comcast.net; GerriHan65@aol.com) "Ron Weasley" - "Chewbacca"...three syllables each...coincidence? I think NOT!

"It's about time Clint Eastwood came out with another 'Dirty Harry' story." (SMMFD1@AOL.COM)

"Yeah, my wife bought a snitch and plucked off it's wings- all it does now is vibrate like crazy. Haven't seen it since." (monetmonet@artlover.com) Thank heaven! I thought you said "snatch"...now THAT woulda been naughty. I heard Ben gave her another one, and....

"No, I will not play with your wand." (GerriHan65@aol.com)

"You call THAT a scar? Check this out." (Curmudgeon651@comcast.net; grandpoobah651@comcast.net) What? Paul Hogan was in line with you?

"Hermione was way sexier in the first book." (pmacca01@yahoo.co.uk)

"I think Draco's going to get his in the end... literally." (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com) They don't call it House Slither-in for nothing.

"I heard that with the profits from this one, J. K. Rowling can finally afford to buy the Catholic Church." (monetmonet@artlover.com)

"Wait, you mean this ISN'T the DMV?" (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net) No...and I'll tell you how you can tell: You'd STILL be in the one for the DMV!

"No, she hasn't sold out, but I did hear that the banquet hall at Hogwarts now only serves Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets." (monetmonet@artlover.com)

"Guys, J. K. Rowling just signed for 15 more books!" (ThePaF@Gmail.com)

"Well, Harry Potter is a decent literary character, but he's no Waldo." (kamasushi@gmail.com)

"Mom, I'm 35 years old. I'm not going to get kidnapped." (tpanner@hotmail.com) Forgive her worry; it's the first time you've been out of her basement since 1990. Worry, hell...she was HOPING!

"No sir, Irritable Bowel Syndrome wasn't gonna keep me away this time!" (Curmudgeon651@comcast.net)

The winners:

Hey, it worked for 'The Beatles'...what have THEY written lately?...

"It's Satanism, I tell you! I'm going to buy a copy and burn it to show that these books shouldn't be sold!" (TheEyeWit@yahoo.com)

Meanwhile, over in the far right queue....

"You know, you're right, I have never seen Voldemort and Hillary Clinton in the same room together." (monetmonet@artlover.com)