Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 12 Oct 08)

Really Bad Ways Wheel of Fortune Will Have to Save Money Now That They Have a Million-Dollar Space on the Wheel

Again, all these people got doubt Rat's Asses as we announced in the HMO Forum...

All puzzles will be words of four letters or less and have a many vowels as possible. (;

Take a tip from the Flintstones. Make the wheel out of solid granite so no one can turn it. (

Have 5 minutes of show, and 25 minutes of commercials. ( Wait, they don't do that already? What channel have I been watching???

Studio will have to be lit by audience members holding up their cigarette lighters. (

Replace Vanna White with Betty White. ( ...and...

Replace Pat Sajack with Pat Harrington. (

Buy kid's toys, reduce light levels and play "Glow-In-the-Dark Wheel of Fortune". ( Sadly, I already do this.

Pat Sajak’s suits will now be purchased at the Goodwill…oh wait, they already were! (

Contestants have to ask for an umlaut...and then explain what that is. ( I just always wanted to pick an entry with the word "umlaut" in it.

The million-dollar space is approximately three centimeters wide and the only letter you can choose on it is an X. (

Pat Sajak will lose membership to Hair Club For Men. (

Vanna's clothing budget (and her dresses) cut in half. (

They're Zimbabwe dollars. ( Would that be a "couple of Bab"?

Quickly change the puzzle if someone lands on it. (

The million dollar prize paid in annual payments over the next 50 years or you can opt to have the car instead. ( Do they even MAKE Edsels anymore?

Make all of the other spaces say "BANKRUPT" or "LOSE A TURN." (

Only allow legally blind contestants. (

Each segment of the wheel will now say "Courtesy of" and the name of a large corporation. ( Could be worse...could be product placement and Tampax their biggest sponsor.

Either Vanna or Pat is going to have to give up the Botox. (

The Winners:

Not sure which one holds more interest, tho...

No need to save money, the federal government is just going to bail them out. (

It's still a better prize than those ceramic Dalmatian statues they gave out 20 years ago!...

You have to share the parting gift of Rice-a-Roni with the other losers from last week. (