Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 15 Feb 09)

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Really Bad Categories At The Adult Video Awards

Most Convincing Impersonation of a Roto-Rooter Man (monacof@bellsouth.net)

The Gherkin Award for the Smallest Contribution in Film (GerriHan65@aol.com)

...and the reward for best "Casting Couch" goes to . . . (MrMisterman@aol.com) AKA, the Joe Eszterhaus/Woody Allen Lifetime Achievement Award!

Best Supporting Livestock (arlenekader@aol.com)

And the award for "Best Storyline" goes to...hey, ummm...why is the card blank? (wamii_69@yahoo.com) Hey, adult films often have great storylines...not, uh, that I would know anything about it.

Best Topiary Bush Design (tpanner@hotmail.com)

And it seems like Airfarcewon was hard at work cranking out...lots of entries this time around...

Best Anal-Mated Feature Award (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Best Spurting Actor Award (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Award for the Best Original Score  (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Award for Best Special Erects (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Highest Sequel Number (archerjoe@hotmail.com) How much you wanna bet the winner ends in "69"?

Best Body Parts Double (sheafitz@netscape.com) (I'm fairly sure the rest of this entry must have gotten cut off, so I'll finish it...) ...the Size They Normally Would Be Without Surgery or Enhancement Drugs

Furthest Shooting Money Shot (arlenekader@aol.com; tpanner@hotmail.com)

Best Performance by a Newcomer (wait, do they have this one already?) (madavis62@alltel.net) Probably, but I bet they spell it a little differently.

Best Ass Pimple In an Anal Scene (sunjonesboro@yahoo.com) Sorry but I think that category has been replaced with:

Most Intricate Zit Pattern in a Three-Way (seeker@vcoms.net)

Best Key Grip (gerg17@comcast.net)

Best Bra In a Supporting Role (retrometro@rogers.com) Someone really has their hands full picking this winner.

Longest Time From First Frame to Someone Being Penetrated Somewhere by Something  (mudclam@ymail.com)

The winners:

Wait, these movies have music? Wow, next you'll tell me they have dialogue:

Best "Chicka-Chicka-Wow-Wow" (Musical) Score (ronxian@bak.rr.com)

Sometimes the most obvious ones hit you right in the face...

Best F**king Film!!! (ronxian@bak.rr.com)