Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 15 Jun 07)

Really Bad Problems In Building an 'Alien Theme Park' In Roswell, New Mexico


The Alien Park would be indistinguishable from the rest of Roswell. (skibip@aol.com; guitartexn@aol.com)

"Gork, we came 50 billion miles and all they have here is a lame flying saucer ride!" (maxcel200@aol.com)

Finding people to work there who aren't ACTUAL aliens -- the illegal kind, that is. (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net; stan@squidworks.com)

Trekkie infestation. (flynnkj19@aol.com) Ah, the trouble with Tribble-lovers!! Speaking of them...

The damn Tribbles causing the roller-coasters to derail all the time. (zenphoenix@yahoo.com) Just relax, everyone, it's...uh...our UFO crash ride...yes, THAT'S what it is!

The upkeep costs would be massive from just the need to maintain a ready supply of KY Jelly for the "Anal Probe Experience" ride. (hunkaspam@yahoo.com)

The undocumented "guest workers" are having a hard time receiving fringe benefits -- since only the lunatic fringe believes they exist. (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

Will anyone buy an "Alien Abductee On Board" suction cup sign for their car? 'Cause we got a buttload left over from the 80s. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Did you say "buttload"? Because we got a bunch of alien probes we're selling, too!

Scheduling the completion to coincide with Paris Hilton's release from jail. (tphyll@aol.com)

No return business since all customers have their memories erased before leaving the park. (jaynashvil@aol.com) Hey, that's pretty good--ZAP!!--Uh, what were we talking about?

Will "Alien World Domination Land" make a killing? Do we really WANT it to? (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

After they get all 50 people who live within a 200 mile radius to dress up like aliens, there is nobody left to actually pay admission. (lhill@bryant.edu)

Disputing whether or not to call the main restaurant "To Serve Man." (tphyll@aol.com)

Their whole theme is based upon the movie Plan 9 from Outer Space. (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)

Should we let Kevin Spacey in for half price? (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) If you do it for him, you'll have to do it for Joan Rivers.

Needs to be closer to the border so the aliens don't have such a long walk. (jdcoops3@aol.com; shep@compascable.net)

Only one tourist in ten enjoys the "free anal probe" exhibit. (joseph-blevins@sbcglobal.net)

Parking is light years away. (luganrn77@yahoo.com) *Sadly, Leis passed out after being able to settle on just ONE "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" joke...*

In order to keep track of how may visitors you have arriving at the park each day you may have to count heads and divide by two. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Government officials will simply deny its existence. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The winners:

Thought you were since 1947...

Can we keep this business thriving with 14 visitors a year? (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

Heh, you won't think it's so funny when they aim their Shrink Ray at you...

That "must be this tall to ride" rule already disqualifies all the aliens. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; JTulli@Juno.com)