Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 16 Dec 06)
Really Bad Reasons You Never Win a Contest On HumorMeOnline
(Suggested by JTulli@Juno.com)
Cad just doesn't give a Rat's Ass. (email@example.com)
Your 'winning' entry on the day the contest started expired after being in limbo for a month. (WJKbase@aol.com)
According to Cad and Leis, some of you are just one pun away from having a hit put out on you. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Lost the address to send bribe money. (email@example.com) No excuses now:
P.O. Box 242032
Montgomery, AL 36124
Their stupid, bloody, childish, irritating, unreasonable, shit-headed insistence that I send in actual entries to get picked. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
I lower my standards to allow Airfarcewon to claim the wallet and trinkets that are so desperately needed. (firstname.lastname@example.org) See? Some people are so noble.
I keep looking for humoUrmeonline. (email@example.com)
I like to keep a low profile, so I strive to submit non-winning entries (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Keep up the excellent work!!
Ran out of clean jokes. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Collusion amongst the judges runs rampant here. (email@example.com) We never run...too much energy needed...the most we'd do is walk at at a slightly brisk pace.
Your imagination always gets stuck in a rut. in a rut. in a rut. in a rut. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You refuse to suck up to that gorgeous and oh-so-hittable Cadeaux. (email@example.com)
For some strange reason, submitting "I can't think of anything funny for this topic", never seems to take home top honors. (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)
The emails with your bribes attached keep bouncing back. (firstname.lastname@example.org) They keep getting intercepted by that guy in Nigeria who continually emails me for urgent assistance. He must be making a BUNDLE!!
Sent so many entries, I must have been disqualified or something. (JTulli@Juno.com)
Judges too damned lazy to translate Swahili. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
If it continues to be judged in the quality vs quantity format, then m a y b e I just don't want to win. Did you ever think of that? (email@example.com) I certainly did...right after reading 503 entries sent in by some dolt named JTullip or something.
Good not structure sentence with I'm. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Because you're the same people who write for Bob Saget. (email@example.com) Hey, now...that's really a low blow.
Donald Rumsfeld is still reading all my Email--and rewriting the punchlines. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I guess they don't give out "wins" for wedding presents :( (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Marriage is an institution. So is Bellevue. Um, I mean "Congratulations!"
You are allergic to origami. (email@example.com)
I went to the John Kerry school of joke telling. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Well, what can I say? I'm Really Bad at these contests! See, I bet a million other people thought of that one just now! (YukiMerricoon@aol.com) A million? Oh ha ha HA HA ha ha HA...now THAT'S a good one!
Inadvertently offended a drunken Cad when I turned her down for a night of wild sex...or was that Leis? (Jdoveraz@aol.com)
Maybe it's my email address, email@example.com? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Well... the death threats and temper tantrums certainly haven't helped. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com) Hey...you promised you wouldn't tell anyone about those.
Your comedic role model? Kierkegaard. (Too obscure?) (Jdoveraz@aol.com)
Too late, I found out that none of them WANT their children back... (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
Ah...and all along I thought they actually were the judges...
I actually win them, but only when I use my tpanner, Airfarcewon and maxcel200 online identities. (email@example.com)
Yeah, the "beeping" ReBas never even get opened 'til the bomb squad arrives...
All of my entries usually confiscated at the airport because they are that terrifying. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)