Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 16 Jun 06)

Really Bad Reasons Juan Valdez Is Calling It Quits

Tired of hauling his ass up the mountain each damn day. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; rampage1984@msn.com)

The real question is: How many lame deportation entries will it take before Cad and Leis lose their minds? (mikepena@verizon.net)

Tired of anonymity. You know, you can't tell Juan from the other. (skibip@aol.com) Hey, I know where you live...don't make me come there and smack you. And that goes for all you other punny people listed below.

That burro is starting to look reeeal sexy... (topsquark@yahoo.com)

Going to become an American illegal alien. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) All part of Bush's new "no TV cliché left behind" policy.

He struck oil and is moving to Beverly Hills. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

There is no one left in Mexico to pick the beans. (shep@compascable.net) Uh...okay - but he was in Columbia. Another fine American-schooled Geography major. ;)

He couldn't stand the daily grind. (tphyll@aol.com; paracletus3@earthlink.net)

He just can't get a handle on this tall/grande/venti thing. (shep@compascable.net)

Tired of dealing with a Jackass every day. (atwright73@yahoo.com) Bean there...done that.

45 years of coffee has made him completely incontinent. (pooks49@yahoo.com)

The bastards secretly replaced his coffee with Folgers Crystals just one too many times. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com) They did the same with my coke stash. (Explains a LOT about me, doesn't it?)

He finally found out there are more lucrative crops in Colombia than coffee. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net; tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

After all those years of lame head-nodding and smiling, they still wouldn't give him any fucking lines. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com) Hey, hey...that's a whole other donkey film there.

His wife said his job is grounds for divorce. (tphyll@aol.com) And boy is she bitter about the whole thing.

He has been working every day for less than the price of a cup of coffee. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com) Oh you are sooooooo bad.

The pay was OK, but he didn't like the perks. (tphyll@aol.com)

Because he and his donkey are tired of being arrested on the stalking & trespassing charges that always result after they suddenly "appear" in the middle of someone's kitchen at 7:00 in the morning... (lilfishjean@comcast.net) ...and I thought mine was an isolated incident...

Tired of always being blamed for Exxon's Alaskan oil spill. (Kamasushi@gmail.com; delbanks57@netscape.net)

Wants to spend more time watching Shakira videos. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Understandable.

He's decided he just needs to wake up and smell the . . . ANYTHING ELSE! (cdmauger@aol.com)

The winners:

He never was very good at "expresso"-ing himself...

The donkey runs away every time he pins its tail on it. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Probably right at the base of the mountain...

All the coffee bean trees in Colombia have been chopped down -- for construction lumber to build another Starbucks. (AuntShecky711@aol.com)