Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 16 Jun 06)

Really Bad Reasons Juan Valdez Is Calling It Quits

Tired of hauling his ass up the mountain each damn day. (;

The real question is: How many lame deportation entries will it take before Cad and Leis lose their minds? (

Tired of anonymity. You know, you can't tell Juan from the other. ( Hey, I know where you live...don't make me come there and smack you. And that goes for all you other punny people listed below.

That burro is starting to look reeeal sexy... (

Going to become an American illegal alien. ( All part of Bush's new "no TV cliché left behind" policy.

He struck oil and is moving to Beverly Hills. (

There is no one left in Mexico to pick the beans. ( Uh...okay - but he was in Columbia. Another fine American-schooled Geography major. ;)

He couldn't stand the daily grind. (;

He just can't get a handle on this tall/grande/venti thing. (

Tired of dealing with a Jackass every day. ( Bean there...done that.

45 years of coffee has made him completely incontinent. (

The bastards secretly replaced his coffee with Folgers Crystals just one too many times. ( They did the same with my coke stash. (Explains a LOT about me, doesn't it?)

He finally found out there are more lucrative crops in Colombia than coffee. (;

After all those years of lame head-nodding and smiling, they still wouldn't give him any fucking lines. ( Hey, hey...that's a whole other donkey film there.

His wife said his job is grounds for divorce. ( And boy is she bitter about the whole thing.

He has been working every day for less than the price of a cup of coffee. ( Oh you are sooooooo bad.

The pay was OK, but he didn't like the perks. (

Because he and his donkey are tired of being arrested on the stalking & trespassing charges that always result after they suddenly "appear" in the middle of someone's kitchen at 7:00 in the morning... ( ...and I thought mine was an isolated incident...

Tired of always being blamed for Exxon's Alaskan oil spill. (;

Wants to spend more time watching Shakira videos. ( Understandable.

He's decided he just needs to wake up and smell the . . . ANYTHING ELSE! (

The winners:

He never was very good at "expresso"-ing himself...

The donkey runs away every time he pins its tail on it. (

Probably right at the base of the mountain...

All the coffee bean trees in Colombia have been chopped down -- for construction lumber to build another Starbucks. (