Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 17 Oct 07)

Really Bad Signs Your Date Is a Cheapskate

He thinks that an "elegant, formal dining experience" includes a black "spork". (lilfishjean@sbcglobal.net)

As he drives around looking for a place to take you to dinner, he keeps mumbling, "Nope, no drive-thru window in THIS one..." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

He takes you to humormeonline instead of a comedy club. (ponytayl@cox.net)

"Dinner and a movie" turns out to be samples at the grocery store and some damn foreign film at the library. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Instead of ordering his meal, he walks over to another table and asks "hey buddy, you gonna eat that?" (tpanner@hotmail.com) Hey, you from Jersey?

Before I met her I'd never heard of Spam Tartare. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Upon getting romantic, you notice he is wearing his underwear inside out and there is a nice little stain up the back. (KittysKorner70@aol.com)

Brings an extra bag to your date at Taco Bell just to max out on sauce packets. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

He takes you to an amusement park, but only buys tickets for the rides for himself. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com) Well, duh...SOMEONE has to film all the fun he's having!

Leaves a smaller tip than a mohel would get. (maxcel200@aol.com)

You have to pick pocket lint off the popcorn. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

Brings microwave popcorn and generic soda, then parks outside the drive-in bragging about his lip-reading skills. (seeker@vcoms.net) Are there even still drive-ins?

The only chef he knows is "Boy-R-Dee." (GerriHan65@aol.com)

He wears flip flops so you won't be allowed in the more expensive restaurants. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

His condoms look really thin and have "Happy Birthday" on the side of them. (Dspur57098@aol.com)

You're married (jaberwock@yahooy.com) Yes, this is a given.

Makes you go halfsies on the hooker for the threesome you planned. (guitartexn@aol.com)

The flowers he brought you say "beloved aunt"... (agapeagent@yahoo.com) It's a step up from the ones he gave you after his day at the races.

For your birthday he gives you a necklace that looks just like the one you thought you lost 3 weeks ago. (grumpchong@gmail.com)

Asks how much he has to spend before you'll put out, before the date. (DOrr221@comcast.net) Believe it or not...I actually had a guy ask me this once.

"Why pay 100 dollars to see Les Miserables when we can download the script and act it out here for free?" (scalpel@aol.com)

When you eat Mexican, she has a special purse with a "salsa compartment". (jaberwock@yahooy.com) Is salsa supposed to taste coppery, or is that also her "loose penny" compartment?

Sends you 12 red rose flower seeds for your birthday. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Suggests that instead of going out to see a movie, you save money by simply getting jobs at the same theatre. (scalpel@aol.com)

He tries to convince you that McDonald's now offers some pretty healthy salads. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Yeah, but do THEY have black sporks??

He still has the first dollar he ever earned - along with all the rest of them. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Says he's gonnna dine you like royalty and takes you to Burger King. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Trolls the back alleys for used condoms. (guitartexn@aol.com) Could be worse, he could be stealing the ones they staple up on the bulletin boards at the free clinics. Eh...come to think of it, no it can't.

Dining on a "buy one, get one free" coupon wasn't that bad until he announced that his was the "free one". (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

Says that IHOP at 4:00 AM is the new hip club scene. (gerg17@comcast.net)

The winners:

I think the key words here are "you both need"...

For his 12-foot-long "Limo" you both need exact change. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

It was part of the exclusive "Larry the Cable Guy" fashion line...

He bought a tuxedo at Wal-Mart. (tphyll@aol.com)