Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Jan 09)

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Really Bad Ways To Jumpstart The Economy

Export lead to China, where apparently they use a lot of it in toys. (skibip@aol.com)

Selling vacant Senate seats to the highest bidder. (luganrn77@yahoo.com) Impeachy keen idea, there. :)

Mail $2.00 to five friends with a note that tells them to do the same but the 25 people they send the $2.00 to have to send you $2.00 - wait.. crap..um it made sense a min ago. (CoyPsyche@aol.com) Uh huh, surrrrrrrrrrrre it did....

Give everyone a check for $600 and reward Wall Street fat cats with obscene tax breaks. ... Oh. (mahoneycjm@gmail.com)

Have Hillary endorse her own line of perfume. (retrometro@rogers.com)

Tax all the whorehouses, especially congress. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM) Are you trying to tell me that they are all...oh, wait...they do get paid to screw everyone. Never mind.

If you've got a kidney to spare, sell it. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Reveal that Josh Brolin has actually been George W. Bush for the last 8 years. It might not jump start the economy, but it might explain a lot. (skibip@aol.com) You've got a point.

American Civil War 2! (MrMisterman@aol.com)

First, get a HUGE set of jumper cables... (Jdoveraz@aol.com; e-merlin001@hotmail.com) And? AAAAND?!?!

And THIS, Leis...

Drive the Federal Reserve around to the front of the Chevy, hook up the gold-plated cables and rev the engine a little. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

Give the IRS the right to "shoot to kill". (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Probably everybody knows by now that TV is going all digital on February 17, 2009. What I still have not heard even the slightest peep on is what is being done to transition the old-style TV dinners to the new Digital TV dinner format. Are the big frozen foods companies even gearing up for this? If not, I am thinking that there's going to be a HUGE market for DTV dinner converters. I'd advise anyone looking to cash in on creating a brand new sector in this year's economy to join me in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. (sootnmoopy@aol.com) Sorry - too busy cashing in on HDTV dinners myself.

Consult the Magic 8 Ball, it knows everything! (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

Legalize marijuana. That could jumpstart a lot more than just the economy. (tphyll@aol.com) This one actually gave me the munchies, dude. I'm gonna go watch Superbad for the eleventyfourth time now. Peace out, my bruthas.

Sell off a few states.. Japan really wanted Hawaii. Alaska is close to Russia. Florida is in Cuban control.. California is still part of Mexico... and in honor of our current mortgage crisis, I say we default on the Louisiana purchase and stick France with the bill for the Midwest. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

Have Congress give me a check for 10 billion dollars, and I'll go to Walmart and buy some shit. (Truckerex@comcast.net) And with my luck I'd be the person in back of you at the check-out.

Steal Saudi Arabia. (seeker@vcoms.net)

The winners:

They certainly couldn't do the job any worse...

Outsource Congress. (tphyll@aol.com)

I did this, right after I named my first- and second-born "Donkey Kong" and "Princess Zelda"...

Make "Casual Video Game Player" a job description. (tpanner@hotmail.com)




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