Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Sep 07)

Really Bad Messages In A Hillbilly Fortune Cookie
(Suggested by

First off we have some entries you can really sink your into...

You will lose your last tooth today. (

You will continue to have low dental bills. (

A man with four teeth has two to spare. (

Your teeth will last you until next week. ( ...just like yer undies.

If you can eat this, you are lucky - you have more teeth than most of your neighbors. (

You'll have all your teeth in your NEXT life. (

Lucky in love...unlucky in cards 'cause you can't count that high...

There will be a tall, dark, and handsome revenuer in your future! (;

Confucius say: "Couple who marry in Mississippi and get divorced in Arkansas are still brother and sister." ( That was deeper than the outhouse hole we dug last week.

The woman you are chasing is out of your league. You bowl on Thursdays, and she bowls on Tuesdays. (

You will soon find romance! Seek out a fat guy rafting down the river with his buddies. (

And, finally the "Blood is thicker than water...but not as thick as you" brood...

You just ate what might have been your brother. (

Your family tree is a wreath. (

Your family tree will never need pruning. (

If your parents didn't have kids, more than likely, you won't either. (

First of all, it ain't no cookie. It's a biskit! (

That ain't black gold on your property. You just shot a hole in your septic tank. (

Your next door neighbour will be Elvis. (

No Shirt, No shoes, No service. ( "I ain't askin' you to 'service' me...I just wanna buy some beer!"

That wasn't chicken, it was opossum. (

Kids very rambunctious tonight...trailer get knocked over. (

Next week you'll find more than one hoe in your shed. (

Never eat squirrel in a month with an "r" in it. (

Hmmm...Hillbilly fortune cookie? Not sure I'd want to eat at a place that serves Hunan road kill. ( ...for a second there I thought that said "HUMAN".

"u wil b riche beeon youare dreems somday. luky numbors r, fifteeb, thwentie an fifyfor!" (

Your name will soon be famous (at least till the janitor can paint the boy's bathroom). (

A rooster in the pot means you can sleep in til noon. ( It's a "snooze bar" and a meal--all in one!!

You will be showered with good luck, if you ever take one... (

You will soon be promoted from spoons to washboard. (

Finally, it's almost your turn to be featured on COPS! (

X. ( Oh, c'mon, that's just plain mean...

If you can read this, you must be edgumacated. ( tad nicer...

If you can read ain't no damn hillbilly. (; ...but THIS is more like it!

There is a barbecue in your future. But this time let's do it outside the house. (

Consider the art of feng shue for all of your vehicles parked in the front yard. ( Ummm...what about that "No shues, no shirt..." thing??

Stay in school. A man with a sixth grade education can earn up to $7 an hour. (

The winners:

It's cheaper than making the trip to my proctologist...

Your third UFO abduction will occur next week. (

Your lucky number is: 666...hey...what the???...

All fortunes are signs of the devil, didn't you know that? (