Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 18 Sep 07)

Really Bad Messages In A Hillbilly Fortune Cookie
(Suggested by NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

First off we have some entries you can really sink your teeth...er...um...tooth into...

You will lose your last tooth today. (IR2Odie@aol.com)

You will continue to have low dental bills. (shep@compascable.net)

A man with four teeth has two to spare. (neeceebaby@aol.com)

Your teeth will last you until next week. (Jdoveraz@aol.com) ...just like yer undies.

If you can eat this, you are lucky - you have more teeth than most of your neighbors. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

You'll have all your teeth in your NEXT life. (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

Lucky in love...unlucky in cards 'cause you can't count that high...

There will be a tall, dark, and handsome revenuer in your future! (AuntShecky711@aol.com; rod.renner@juno.com)

Confucius say: "Couple who marry in Mississippi and get divorced in Arkansas are still brother and sister." (skibip@aol.com) That was deeper than the outhouse hole we dug last week.

The woman you are chasing is out of your league. You bowl on Thursdays, and she bowls on Tuesdays. (tphyll@aol.com)

You will soon find romance! Seek out a fat guy rafting down the river with his buddies. (monacof@bellsouth.net)

And, finally the "Blood is thicker than water...but not as thick as you" brood...

You just ate what might have been your brother. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

Your family tree is a wreath. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Your family tree will never need pruning. (jaytah@comcast.net)

If your parents didn't have kids, more than likely, you won't either. (loismustdie1128@yahoo.com)

First of all, it ain't no cookie. It's a biskit! (guitartexn@aol.com)

That ain't black gold on your property. You just shot a hole in your septic tank. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Your next door neighbour will be Elvis. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

No Shirt, No shoes, No service. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com) "I ain't askin' you to 'service' me...I just wanna buy some beer!"

That wasn't chicken, it was opossum. (DOrr221@comcast.net)

Kids very rambunctious tonight...trailer get knocked over. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Next week you'll find more than one hoe in your shed. (ponytayl@cox.net)

Never eat squirrel in a month with an "r" in it. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Hmmm...Hillbilly fortune cookie? Not sure I'd want to eat at a place that serves Hunan road kill. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net) ...for a second there I thought that said "HUMAN".

"u wil b riche beeon youare dreems somday. luky numbors r, fifteeb, thwentie an fifyfor!" (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)

Your name will soon be famous (at least till the janitor can paint the boy's bathroom). (agapeagent@yahoo.com)

A rooster in the pot means you can sleep in til noon. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) It's a "snooze bar" and a meal--all in one!!

You will be showered with good luck, if you ever take one... (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

You will soon be promoted from spoons to washboard. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

Finally, it's almost your turn to be featured on COPS! (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)

X. (tphyll@aol.com) Oh, c'mon, that's just plain mean...

If you can read this, you must be edgumacated. (banks.del@gmail.com) ...eh...a tad nicer...

If you can read this...you ain't no damn hillbilly. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com; tphyll@aol.com) ...but THIS is more like it!

There is a barbecue in your future. But this time let's do it outside the house. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Consider the art of feng shue for all of your vehicles parked in the front yard. (lhill@bryant.edu) Ummm...what about that "No shues, no shirt..." thing??

Stay in school. A man with a sixth grade education can earn up to $7 an hour. (banks.del@gmail.com)

The winners:

It's cheaper than making the trip to my proctologist...

Your third UFO abduction will occur next week. (tphyll@aol.com)

Your lucky number is: 666...hey...what the???...

All fortunes are signs of the devil, didn't you know that? (GerriHan65@aol.com)