Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 19 Jan 10)
Really Bad Things Said On The 'FoodTV' Channel That Sound Naughty, But Aren't
(Suggested by GuitarTexn@aol.com)
"Tie a string around both legs, pull them up and loop the string around the neck." (email@example.com)
"Now I'll put the white cream on Nigella's buns and it will be luscious." (firstname.lastname@example.org) It'd be more luscious if we put it on Giada's if you ask me.
"I like to use liberal amounts of extra-virgin oil on these breasts and thighs." (email@example.com)
These four fall into the "We said 'naughty' not 'NASTY'" category...
"And now we will be making a Pu-Pu Platter!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Have you seen the size of Paula Deen's rump?" (GerriHan65@aol.com)
"Today Chef Jeff will be stuffing my peach with lots of delicious cream." (email@example.com)
"OK, start by slicing your shiitake." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"You'll need to knead your dumplings for at least 5 minutes, until they get good and hard." (Jdoveraz@aol.com) I would've given bonus points if you could've figured out a way to get "kneed" in there, too...nah, not really.
"Some people do not like nuts, but I just can't get enough of them." (email@example.com)
"When you have nothing else, a cucumber comes in handy." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"I'm going to put my battered balls into the deep fryer." (email@example.com)
"You lay her down on her back, then you just stuff it up into the cavity as far as you possibly can." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Next, I'm going to show you a very special meat rub that's been handed down to me from my mother, and from her mother before that." (email@example.com) As long as it's not going on Paula Deen's rump, I'm okay with it.
"Then you pour my hot cream over those delicious nuts of yours and we have just made a dessert in Heaven." (Antkitty70@aol.com)
"Beat until stiff..." (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com) I gotta start watching Food Network, some of these are pretty raunchy!!
"Jane,there are more things that you can do with wieners than you could ever imagine." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"And when it's good and hot, you just pop the sausage in your mouth and enjoy!" (email@example.com)
"Make sure you grease your meat before sticking it in." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Now, I just pulled out my baguette ...." (email@example.com) "Will ya look at the crust on that, Steve?"
"Anyone wanna spoon?" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Some complain about a 'fishy' odor, but I know if they'd just try it, they'd understand what a treat it is." (email@example.com)
"Get a firm grip on the turkey and stuff it with your sausage." (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) I think Stifler demonstrated this technique in one of the American Pie movies.
"You could pay a lot, but a cheap tart is just as tasty." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"You'll beat it vigorously 'till it starts to stiffen." (email@example.com)
"Does someone want to lick the bowl?" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Wait...didn't Michael Caine say this in "Alfie"?...
"The 'Parson's Nose' is at the bird's rear end." (email@example.com)
She burnt the chicken, too...
"I think your breasts are smokin', Mary!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)