Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 19 Nov 09)
Really Bad Questions on the Job Application for Billy Mays' Replacement
Pepsi or COKE? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Do you wear tight underwear washed in Oxy-Clean? (email@example.com)
Are you any or all of the following: "Annoying", "Loud", "Obnoxious" or 'Have a closet filled with black hair dye #3'? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate the "Shamwow Guy"? (email@example.com) You might hate him...but you're going to love his nuts!
Do people want to have a beer with you even after you've been shouting at them at the top of your lungs for 2 minutes? (Jdoveraz@aol.com)
Do you know what cocaine is? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Can you say "Totally free....you just pay shipping and handling of $56" without anyone hearing the "$56" part? (email@example.com)
Do you have any experience selling crap nobody really needs? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Can we hook up a camera in your casket so you can pitch products after your dead? (email@example.com) Products like Maggot-B-Gone, for all your post mortem needs? ORDER NOW!!
Do you have many inventor friends that you can steal ideas from? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Can you just sound like you're doing major cocaine without actually using it? (email@example.com)
If you get too annoying, can we use a rival product, the SlapChop, on your nuts? (GerriHan65@aol.com)
Do you have "too fast" problems in other areas of your life? (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com) Somehow I can't shake the idea that this question and the one above it should actually be a two-parter.
During a typical dinner conversation, how would you describe your jugular vein? 1) Slightly distended; 2) Moderately distended; 3) Could blow at any time. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Have you ever done a commercial for SHOUT? (email@example.com)
Have you ever used the Pocket Fisherman in an inappropriate way? (firstname.lastname@example.org) Define "inappropriate".
Would you sell your own mother? If "yes", you're hired. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
Do you have previous media-whoring experience? (email@example.com) Well, I was Bill O'Reilly's apprentice over at FOXNews...does that count?
Are you willing to embarrass yourself internationally pretending to be excited about bad domestic products? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Do you know how many hours of out-takes and gallons of CLR it takes to clean a bathroom? (email@example.com)
Can you be twice as annoying for half his salary? (GerriHan65@aol.com)
How many consecutive hours can you talk without breathing? (firstname.lastname@example.org) Ooohh Oooh! I can do this! No, seriously, I can...ask anyone who has spoken with me.
Coffee, tea or Red Bull? (email@example.com)
So how long were you Tim Allen's assistant? (firstname.lastname@example.org) I don't think so, Tim...
Have you ever used Oxi-Clean in a manner not consistent with the manufacturers directions? (DLiver420@gmail.com) Ummm...well, it IS a white powder, isn't it?
So what drugs are YOU on? (email@example.com)
Have you ever been gullible enough to actually buy any of this cr*p?" (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)
Well, I've been called "batty" by almost everyone I've ever met...
How good are you with a bat? Oops, sorry, that's WILLIE Mays. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Because I can't make up my mind about which one of these two are better...I'm going to do what infomercials do...so, "For a limited time offer, we'll throw in TWO winners instead of one..."
Why don't you write in capital letters HERE??? (email@example.com)
Do you still have trouble using your "inside voice?" (firstname.lastname@example.org)