Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 19 Sep 08)

Really Bad Signs the Person Next to You During Your Flight Is Secretly Watching Porn

It’s not just his tray that’s in the upright position. (Yeah, I know, me and fifty others…) (irochford@optusnet.com.au; fparsons@yahoo.com, and yes, 50 others!!) I'll never be able to look at a tray table the same way, ever again--Thanks, HMO-ers!!

He keeps saying "Now I'm in the mile high club." (tphyll@aol.com)

There's more than a laptop on his lap top. (retrometro@rogers.com)

At first I thought we were just playing Rock, Paper and Scissors. However he always picked one, two, three Rock over and over and over again! (davidgotribe@aol.com)

Clue? Clue!!! Nobody else got the "special sauce" on their meal...(e-merlin001@hotmail.com) The good news: At least it doesn't mean some clown is flying the plane.

While reviewing the "Quarterly sales report" on his laptop, he keeps muttering, "Take it all bitch." (Truckerex@comcast.net)

He's wearing a name tag that says "Hello! My name is Pee Wee!" (retrometro@rogers.com) I think this might be the last Pee Wee joke floating around out there.

"Salad dressing" on his napkin.....and he isn't having salad! (skibip@aol.com)

Violently curses when the captain announces an early arrival. (seeker@vcoms.net)

He hasn't tried to light his shoe for over two hours. (gerg17@comcast.net) This could actually be a GOOD thing, right?

Your favorite DVD's are missing from your carry-on bag. (ronxian@bak.rr.com)

Screaming babies...harried airline personnel...tedious delays...lost luggage...no matter; they just LOVE flying. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Something is in the full and upright position and it's not the tray table! (TvONotTv1@aol.com) Yeah, yeah...I know it's the same as the others Leis picked...I just liked the wording better.

He's leaning in the direction of your laptop monitor but pretending to be asleep. (rod.renner@juno.com)

He giggles when the captain says "we are cleared for take off".
(steve_medel@oxy.com)
But not nearly as much as when they said there might be a "layover".

Pages of the in-flight magazine are all stuck together. (rampage1984@msn.com) And so are you DVDs when you finally get them back.

At first you thought he was playing Donkey Kong, but then you realized that he wasn't jerking a joystick. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

You hear a loud moan and suddenly have a hairstyle from "Something About Mary".
(AntKitty@antics.org)
See, this is why I NEVER sit next to Ben Stiller on long flights...

Never notices the good looking stewardess. (skibip@aol.com)

He claims he's trying to Google a band from Canada called The Bare Naked Ladies. (retrometro@rogers.com) Coulda been worse...he coulda have been "YouTubing".

You know he's not David Blaine...but he's making his laptop levitate. (maxcel200@aol.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Nobody has a memory stick THAT big! (retrometro@rogers.com)

The winners:

Finally, a "barf bag" reference!!...

Repeatedly pesters flight attendants for tissues and barf bags. (TyleredOne@aol.com)

What's wrong with this?? This is how I react when someone offers me alcohol...doesn't everyone?...

When asked by the flight attendant if he wants a drink, he excitedly says, "Yes! Yes! YES! Oh, dear God, yes!" (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)