Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 1 Jun 06)

Really Bad Signs Your Kid Just Isn't Cut Out For Sports

Only competitive if there is Snickers bars involved. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

He's number 1 on Richard Simmons recruitment list! (bjjtoff@tds.net)

He comes home beat up because he can't even outrun the kids he threw rocks at.. upon further consoling, you also find out that the lil' bugger missed, too. (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

He thinks picking up a spare involves a tire. (artemis31386@aol.com) Heh, I was thinking of ribs, myself...

His hero is the Peter Pan guy. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

"Whaddya mean I can't use my wizarding powers to send the other team to Valhalla?" (ltldollclaudia@yahoo.com)

She thinks a "slam-dunk" is what you do with a cruller and a double-fat latte. (AuntShecky711@aol.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

At recess he's the one picking his nose with one hand and stacking parking lot rocks with the other. (holtbolt@comcast.net) This has got to be the weirdest entry we've ever had...involving rocks and a nose.

His soccer uniform has no place for his pocket protector! (moonlight_rainstorm@yahoo.com)

He's Clay Aiken, 'nuff said. (guitartexn@aol.com)

The only effort made to exercise is chasing the Good Humor truck down the street in the middle of August just to get 2 Wahoo bars and a Strawberry Shortcake. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

His father's genes. (IAmBatmania@hotmail.com)

He/she tries to play horseshoes while they're still attached to the horse! (JTulli@Juno.com) If he/she can lift a HORSE, I'd consider that a "Really GOOD" athlete!!

He insists that the team colors are so last year. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

You buy him a baseball glove that says "Rawlings" and he says, "Hey, that's the lady who wrote Harry Potter!" (cdmauger@aol.com)

She says "NO!" to drugs. (jaberwock@yahooy.com; guitartexn@aol.com)

All of those piercings weigh him down. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net) Plus he rusts during the swim meets.

She has cankles. (not2greedy@optonline.net)

By the time he calculates the exact velocity needed to allow the ball to reach the basket at the proper angle of approach and amount of force to sink it with "nothin' but net" the other team has already stolen the ball, scored a basket and knocked him flat on his ass. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

Waiting in line for 3 months to be the first one in the theater to see Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith, might have something to do with it. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

The sympathetic gym teacher grades him on speed reading. (jellygator@hotmail.com)

Your nickname is "Super-size." (e-marlon@sio.midco.net) Yeah, but in my defense, only the lucky LADIES call me that!

Billy insisted on wearing a pink tutu to first day of little league tryouts. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

I have to keep yelling, "the other way, run the other way, your goal is the other way!!" (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

Girls get offended when you compare his throwing to theirs. (grumpchong@gmail.com)

He mistook an athletic cup for a combination nose and mouth protector. (rockyhorrr@aol.com) Oh, who in their youth hasn't?

She's pregnant. Again. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

At fifteen, he's still fascinated with the balls-under-the-shirt-look-like-boobs trick. (jellygator@hotmail.com)

He tells you he signed up as a player in the Little League. You attend a game and see him playing the "charge" tunes on his accordion from the sidelines. (monacof@bellsouth.net)

The "toughs" in the chess team keep stealing his lunch money. (stan@squidworks.com) They are probably just using you as a pawn.

Da-ad...I'm starting to sweat, can I quit fooseball? (j_perreaux@hotmail.com)

Even the dog won't play ball with him. (jellygator@hotmail.com)

You spend a fortune on underwear to replace the underwear that he gets stretched out from wedgies. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

The winners:

And it was on his Nintendo...

He broke two ribs and pulled a groin muscle playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. (grumpchong@gmail.com)

I'm pretty sure that Napoleon guy stole my life-story for his script...

That one movie with the guy from Napoleon Dynamite is loosely based on him and his friends. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)