Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 1 Nov 07)

Seems I haven't been able to get in contact with Leis here lately so I decided to wing it myself here until I do...hopefully all is well with him.

Really Bad Signs The Ghost Haunting Your House Just Isn't Trying Hard Enough To Be Scary

Only time it makes the lights flicker is during thunderstorms. (

The DVD will only play Patrick Swayze movies. (

When he moves the furniture around, it's for proper Feng Shui. ( Hey, isn't this the second "Feng Shui" entry we've gotten in the last few weeks? Stop it already.

Interrupts its "haunting" to take cell phone calls. (;

He tries showing you pictures of his colonoscopy. (

Fire4d from Teletubbies' haunted houe. ( Worse yet, he screws with the spelling of your HMO entries.

He won't scare until after his first cup of Joe. (

You keep seeing bowls of milquetoast floating by. (

There's always a pen floating around somewhere when you need one, for a change. ( ...AND it has ink...ooooh...scary!

He paid the neighbor's ghost to come over and yell "boo" at you once a day while he's on vacation. (

It turns out his ectoplasm makes a tasty ice-cream. The kids love it. (

It keeps saying "Boo-Boo" in Yogi Bear's voice. ( The worst part is you can't even kill him for doing it.

Makes you sing "Day-O" at dinner every night. (

He keeps interrupting his spooky moaning with a hacking cough. (

You receive a text message that reads "BOO LOL." (;

When you leave the house he tries on your lingerie. ( AND, say it with me everyone..."He looks BETTER in it!"

Instead of a sheet, he's wearing a paisley comforter. (

Leaves instructions on how to die a horrible death stuck to your refrigerator with a magnet. ( Then signs it "Love, Spooky".

Instead of yanking your chain he pulls the weeds in your garden. (

After making your walls breathe, he feels really bad about cracking the drywall and calls in a contractor to have it repaired. (

The winner:

Well, what else would you expect a ghost to drink but spirits?...

Spends most of the day three sheets to the wind. (