Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 1 Sep 07)

You know him, you missed him...but he's back and willing to work for free! More importantly, we got him...woohoooo! Ladies and Gentlemen...Leis is IN the building! (Well, you know...figuratively.) And a "thankyouverymuch" to Bucko for filling in.

Really Bad Signs Elvis Is Secretly Your Next Door Neighbor
(Topic suggested by Jdoveraz@aol.com)

What happens in Vegas also happens at his place. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Sign in my neighbor's front window. "This is not 'the building' and I have not left." (skibip@aol.com)

There's large sparkly white jumpsuits hanging on the closeline. (deborah.pittenger@sbcglobal.net)

All the old ladies throw their underwear onto your porch by mistake. (astae@paonline.com) Whoops...I thought those were tents!

One evening, Priscilla bursts in your door screaming, "THERE'S JUST NO TALKING TO THAT MAN !!!" (sheafitz@netscape.com)

The stench is overpowering.... because Elvis is dead, dammit! (TheEyeWit@yahoo.com)

Local Girl Scout Troop reached their cookie sales goal by visiting his house only. (shep@compascable.net)

He calls his wife "nothin' but a hound dog" and she's crying all the time. (rod.renner@juno.com)

You keep accidentally receiving copies of "Rhinestone Jumpsuit Quarterly" in your mailbox. (erniedacabdriver@netscape.net) Well, this might explain why...

All the mail in his mailbox is stamped "Return To Sender". (vinyllover45@yahoo.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

There are banana trees growing in his yard, and you live in Alaska. (mulepiper@yahoo.com)

Drug busts are significantly down since he moved in a couple of months ago. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net) Yep, him and Nixon are doing a fine job.

Every time he goes somewhere, someone knocks on my door to tell me he's left the building. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

I have to shovel fried chicken bones off my driveway each morning. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com) Maybe you live next to Colonel Sanders instead?

The rotting corpse in the white jump suit, mowing his lawn, has raised your suspicions. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

Little men with berets and velvet canvases keep coming and going at all hours of the day and night... (lilfishjean@sbcglobal.net) Elvis lives in Jersey???

Eerie late night jam sessions can be heard with Hendrix on guitar and Mama Cass on harmony. (guitartexn@aol.com)

After you hand him the requested cup of sugar, your mysterious hooded neighbor rushes off to his apartment, but not before mumbling "thankyouverymuch". (ThePaF@Gmail.com)

He always gets first in the "Elvis impersonation" contest at the county fair (jaberwock@yahooy.com) Now, if you woulda said 3rd place..."

Every time there's an earthquake...he's all shook up. (maxcel200@aol.com)

All the black hair dye is mysteriously sold out at every store near you. (KittysKorner70@aol.com)

Your wife can't explain the sequin imprints on her skin. (gerg17@comcast.net) ...or the 20 new pairs of blue suede shoes that keep arriving as gifts at our front door.

Claims he is from Mexico and that his nickname isn't Elvis, it is actually "El Vis", meaning "The Snake". (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

Always brings those damned fried Peanut Butter & Banana sandwiches to block parties. (Jdoveraz@aol.com)

Every time a sniper takes out your TV, another pink Cadillac is delivered to your house. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

Can't get any sleep because all the rhinestones keep reflecting the light from the UFOs. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

The winners:

I smell a hunka-hunka burning jet fuel nearby...

The Lisa-Marie jet plane is waiting for him in the driveway. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Not only is this a surefire sign...it's also creepy as hell...

You have to keep kicking Nicolas Cage out of your bushes. (GerriHan65@aol.com)