Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 22 Apr 06)

Really Bad Lines in 'Basic Instinct 2'

"I wonder if it's too late to call up Russell Crowe and turn this into 'The Quick and the Dead II'..." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

"We are not the driods you are looking for." (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

"Let's just be friends, and do paint ball." (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Okay, but no Dungeons and Dragons. I don't want my folks to see you in our basement...

"So... how much do you like cheese?" (timamod@aol.com)

"Scissors? What scissors? Oh these scissors that I'm holding menacingly? No these aren't my stabbing scissors, silly boy. I just use these to uh...maintain my scrap book. Yeah, that's it." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

"What's that creaking sound, and what IS that fishy smell?" (stan@squidworks.com)

"My AARP number...? Why it's...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

"Here's 75 cents. Go get yourself a shave." (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

"I'm older, wiser, saggier, and, therefore, much more homicidal than I ever was." (tpanner@hotmail.com) And a lot more vacuous...you watch her on any talk shows lately? I swear she's trying to compete with Farrah Fawcett in the brainless department.

"I don't care what your problem is, sister, you can't bring that ice pick in to visit Michael Douglas in this retirement home!" (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

"You're a Pisces, but in a moment you'll be in Pieces." (rod.renner@juno.com) I can almost guarantee this will be in the one Sharon's Stone's writing...Are people even asking for your sign still...oh wait...they did back when Sharon was young.

"Sorry, lady, but I'm not into MILFs." (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

"Wow! You're a real firecracker in bed for someone your age. I mean you certainly don't look your age for someone your age. I mean you look 20! I thought you were 20! For Christ's sake will you please put down the ice pick." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

This spring be prepared for the "Stone Age". (mistahtom@aol.com)

"We KNOW she'll be at this mailbox tomorrow. That's when Social Security checks come out." (LouMizzou@yahoo.com) You are soooooooo bad...kinda...well, like everyone says the movie is.

"Well, the mortgage was due, so, I thought, why not a sequel." (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

"I think I remember that once, a man died of boredom while having sex with me.." (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Was it during "Catwoman"?

The facial lines which the Botox unfortunately missed. (AuntShecky711@aol.com; tainsam@aol.com)

The winners:

But apparently NOT your movies...

"You really know how to pick your friends." (cringe4242@earthlink.net)

Hmmm...maybe Ms. Stone needs to consult these contacts...

According to my Industry contacts, the lines at the theater entrance. (woactome@yahoo.com; razcactus@netzero.com)