Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 22 Nov 07)

Leis hasn't been feeling very well and he's recouperating...and until he gets better, I'm just going to go it alone.

Really Bad Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair With Bigfoot

There's hair all over everything and the cat's been dead for more than a month. (tpanner@hotmail.com; Jdoveraz@aol.com)

Halloween is long over but he still insists you wear the gorilla suit. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

There are a couple of weird guys camped out and making plaster casts in my back yard. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

She keeps coughing up hair balls. (jdcoops3@aol.com; guitartexn@aol.com) ...yeah...but is the cat getting jealous yet?

You mailbox is crammed with 'Thank You' cards from Nair, Neet, and the Gillette Corporation. (sadsack59@hotmail.com)

She keeps calling you "Littlefoot" and snickering derisively. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Our sex life has less sightings. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

You've caught him in the act, Yeti continues to deny it. (sootnmoopy@aol.com) Please, please everyone...don't drink and pun.

You noticed this big fur coat in your hall closet when you came home from work early one day, and now it's gone. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

When shows like "Fact or Fiction" come on, she hurriedly changes the channel after the announcer talks about "married cheating slut-mate of Bigfoot." (awholmes@gmail.com)

The socks hanging from the ceiling fan reach the floor. (IAmBatmania@hotmail.com)

Her blue dress....her ENTIRE blue dress...is stiff as a board. (skibip@aol.com) Oh...those Monica jokes will NEVER go away, will they?

Her monthly bikini wax is now daily...and under the 'couples' plan. (ponytayl@cox.net)

Whew!! I thought that was MY hair in the shower drain. (muck55@aol.com)

Instead of shopping at the grocery store, she now prefers to scavenge out in the woods for dead raccoons. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Every time you shave your legs, he whines like a five-year-old. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

She suddenly has desire for pine scented candles, deodorants and sprays. (madavis62@alltel.net) Better than musk.

Your Viagra prescription has been secretly replaced with Rogaine. (gerg17@comcast.net)

He comes home late wreaking of perfume and flea dip. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

There's this really jittery, blurry footage of the two of them doin' it out in the woods that turned up on YouTube. (tpanner@hotmail.com; seeker@vcoms.net)

Your last two kids needed a shave in utero. (GerriHan65@aol.com) Twice.

She put off-road tires on the minivan. (shep@compascable.net)

Mrs. Bigfoot asks you out to lunch for "a serious talk". (paulstocum@mac.com)

Foreplay becomes picking fleas out of each other's hair. (PAdams002@hotmail.com)

The house is cluttered with empty Jack Links Jerky bags. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com; awholmes@gmail.com) "Messin' around with Sasquatch?"

You're from Eastern Europe, but she still complains you don't have enough back hair. (gerg17@comcast.net)

You already caught her necking with Nessie. (awholmes@gmail.com)

The winner:

Trojan Horse-sized?...

That's not a box of trash bags in her nightstand. (cdmauger@aol.com)