Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 27 Sep 06)

Really Bad Euphemisms for Implying Someone Is Utterly Stupid
(Example: 'He's one fry short of a Happy Meal')
(Suggested by

He lost the popular vote but still got elected anyway. (

One tire short of a unicycle. (

He's a man. Do I need to say anything else? ( Yes, you will have to explain this to him as well. :)

So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him. (

He is one Rat's Ass short of an Origami. (

This guy thinks manual labor is a Spanish guitarist. (

She's one short of a website. ( I'm one dot short of a sentence <----see?

He'd try to buy a plastic money tree with his credit card. (

The only brain waves he gets are good-byes. (

A few numbers short of a Zip code. (

You're one Midichlorian short of being a Jedi. ( You know - uh...I'm not EVEN going to look THIS one up - I'll take your word for it.

He's a helmet wearing, little bus riding, window licker. (

There's only one more flush left on her Tidy Bowl. (

He's not an idiot, but he plays one in real life. (

They're not the sharpest spoon in the drawer ( But they ARE a plastic Spork, so it evens out...

One signal bar short of good reception. (

He's one brain cell short of one brain cell. (

He was the cat's ass but some of his lives were missing. (

She's a couple dwarfs short of a Disney movie. ( Hey, but dwarves are already short...hmmm....

She's two ounces short of a full toner cartridge. (

He's one semicolon short of a PASCAL statement. ( Oh, I even GET this one.

He can't find a buckle for his asteroid belt. (

He's got a brain like Einstein...dead. (

He thinks a singles bar is any bar with a jukebox. (

Her deck has too many jokers in it. (

He has a talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes. ( I'm still working on figuring this one out, too.

Even when he wears loafers he needs help tying his shoelaces. (

He can't even get the ANSWERS correct on Jeopardy. (

One crayon short of being the sharpest knife in the six pack. ( Aha! Ingenuity!

He wouldn't even get the point in a fencing match (

He's one hole short of a doughnut. (

We call him Art, yeah he's two letters shy of being Smart. (

The cheese fell off their cracker a long time ago. ( That was a gouda joke!

That guy is one virgin short of a Star Trek Convention. (

All of his dogs aren't barking. (

He's as slow as humormeonline updates. ( Ouch!

If you told him a joke and it went over his head, he'd look up for it. (

His extension cord doesn't quit reach the outlet. (

He's a few scandals short of a Kennedy. (

She's about a shade light in the gray matter. ( Make mine Grey Goose...and yes, it DOES matter.

He's about as sharp as the point in a George Bush speech. (

His biscuits are done. They're just a little more flaky than most. (

His ant colony is loaded with aardvarks. (

The winners:

Wait...running for office requires ANY brain cells???

He's one brain cell short of being eligible to run for Congress. (

Kinda like her head...pretty on the outside but mostly air and filler inside...

The last time she thought outside the was about cereal. (