Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 27 Sep 06)

Really Bad Euphemisms for Implying Someone Is Utterly Stupid
(Example: 'He's one fry short of a Happy Meal')
(Suggested by AuntShecky711@aol.com)

He lost the popular vote but still got elected anyway. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

One tire short of a unicycle. (jaberwock@yahooy.com)

He's a man. Do I need to say anything else? (wedrixe@netscape.net) Yes, you will have to explain this to him as well. :)

So dumb, blondes tell jokes about him. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

He is one Rat's Ass short of an Origami. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

This guy thinks manual labor is a Spanish guitarist. (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

She's one dot.com short of a website. (tphyll@aol.com) I'm one dot short of a sentence <----see?

He'd try to buy a plastic money tree with his credit card. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

The only brain waves he gets are good-byes. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

A few numbers short of a Zip code. (j_perreaux@hotmail.com)

You're one Midichlorian short of being a Jedi. (Mistahtom@aol.com) You know - uh...I'm not EVEN going to look THIS one up - I'll take your word for it.

He's a helmet wearing, little bus riding, window licker. (dajakaiss@optonline.net)

There's only one more flush left on her Tidy Bowl. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

He's not an idiot, but he plays one in real life. (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

They're not the sharpest spoon in the drawer (PAdams002@hotmail.com) But they ARE a plastic Spork, so it evens out...

One signal bar short of good reception. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

He's one brain cell short of one brain cell. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

He was the cat's ass but some of his lives were missing. (bjjtoff@yahoo.com)

She's a couple dwarfs short of a Disney movie. (cdmauger@aol.com) Hey, but dwarves are already short...hmmm....

She's two ounces short of a full toner cartridge. (tphyll@aol.com)

He's one semicolon short of a PASCAL statement. (topsquark@yahoo.com) Oh, yeah...like I even GET this one.

He can't find a buckle for his asteroid belt. (tphyll@aol.com)

He's got a brain like Einstein...dead. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

He thinks a singles bar is any bar with a jukebox. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Her deck has too many jokers in it. (tphyll@aol.com)

He has a talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes. (CoyPsyche@aol.com) I'm still working on figuring this one out, too.

Even when he wears loafers he needs help tying his shoelaces. (tphyll@aol.com)

He can't even get the ANSWERS correct on Jeopardy. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

One crayon short of being the sharpest knife in the six pack. (pooks49@yahoo.com) Aha! Ingenuity!

He wouldn't even get the point in a fencing match (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

He's one hole short of a doughnut. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

We call him Art, yeah he's two letters shy of being Smart. (lsamarri@aol.com)

The cheese fell off their cracker a long time ago. (gregzeer@yahoo.com) That was a gouda joke!

That guy is one virgin short of a Star Trek Convention. (tainsam@aol.com)

All of his dogs aren't barking. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

He's as slow as humormeonline updates. (topsquark@yahoo.com) Ouch!

If you told him a joke and it went over his head, he'd look up for it. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

His extension cord doesn't quit reach the outlet. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

He's a few scandals short of a Kennedy. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

She's about a shade light in the gray matter. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Make mine Grey Goose...and yes, it DOES matter.

He's about as sharp as the point in a George Bush speech. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

His biscuits are done. They're just a little more flaky than most. (dennisilvr@aol.com)

His ant colony is loaded with aardvarks. (tphyll@aol.com)

The winners:

Wait...running for office requires ANY brain cells???

He's one brain cell short of being eligible to run for Congress. (YukiMerricoon@aol.com)

Kinda like her head...pretty on the outside but mostly air and filler inside...

The last time she thought outside the box..it was about cereal. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)