Banter provided by Cad and Leis
(Updated 28 Nov 06)
Really Bad Signs Our Country Is Getting Way Too Crowded
(Suggested by AuntShecky711@aol.com)
At McDonald's, you can't get fries with that. (email@example.com)
Your average lost and found now requires an hour trip by golf cart. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The term "rush hour" has been replaced with "rush four hours". (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)
It seems everyone has a wacky website, including people from Alabama!!! (email@example.com) Dammit...I'm FROM New Jersey...I just live in Alabama.
The Statue of Liberty has replaced her torch with a sign that says "Sorry, We're Closed." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
J-Lo is not allowed in the state of Rhode Island (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Oh look...a J-Lo "ass" joke - we haven't seen one of those in a while...I think we here at HMO should single-handedly bring back J-Lo's ass. Okay...well, we'd have to use more than ONE hand...but you know.
Only one teacher to every 738 students. (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)
UFOs have a waiting list for abductees. (email@example.com)
Marathon races are being run sideways (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Instead of "neck and neck", runners are now "elbow and elbow".
I'm subletting my walk-in closet to a bunch of foreigners. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
L.A.'s air pollution is killing me...and I live in New York. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)
Congressmen are being forced out of the closet, because there's only so much room in there. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com) Well...they could try subletting from Maxcel.
Northern Saskatchewan starts to look like a pretty good place to live for Texans. (email@example.com)
Impossible to place in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (except for certain people around here). (JTulli@Juno.com) Yeah...you got it...I am going to milk this puppy until I die. ;)
You can only book one-way flights from the U.S. to other countries. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You're able to shop at Walmart without leaving home. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) I'm sorry - if you would have said "buy a coffee at Starbucks" I would have believed you.
Since yes, I really do think I own the whole damn road, EVERYBODY ELSE GET OFF MY INTERSTATE!!! (email@example.com)
You have to pair up with someone at a public urinal. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Yeah yeah...at least that's what you keep TELLING them.
Instead of sending this entry via the Internet, I'll just print it out and have it passed person to person to you. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
Matches are now used much more to get rid of fumes, not start them! (email@example.com)
When a tree falls in the forest... there is always someone there to hear it make a sound (firstname.lastname@example.org) Besides the tree-huggers?
Roseanne Barr goes on a singing concert tour, and every appearance is sold out. (email@example.com)
Evangelists embrace homosexuals...literally. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Well, one's feeling pretty "haggard" these days.
There are so many entries for each category at HMO, that it takes days, even weeks, to go thru them all to find a winner. (email@example.com; Jdoveraz@aol.com)
Hey move your head! I can't see the computer screen. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Government is considering using exponential notation on Social Security Numbers. (email@example.com)
You can hire professional shoppers at Target. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Now that's sad - almost as sad as pronouncing it "Tar-zhey".
Sardines would rather stay IN the can! (email@example.com)
Even the cockroaches are leaving. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)
Crowded? Then how come there are fewer decent men than ever? (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com) *cough* I'm single. *cough*
You can't run a sell-swamp-land scam. People are living there. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
What do you mean we ate all the cows? (DavidGoTribe@aol.com) I don't know why - but this one really made me laugh.
Movie stars are adopting AMERICAN children. (email@example.com)
We're starting to smell like France. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com) Hey, I didn't say it!!
There's a McDonald's in the Taco Bell. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Yup, even the ReBa list is overcrowded this week...
You go out to your mailbox for today's mail, and when you re-enter your house you find that three families have moved in. (email@example.com)
And to find a place where you could actually park your car, huh?...
I went to the mall the day after Thanksgiving just to get some elbow room. (firstname.lastname@example.org)