Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 29 Aug 08)

Really Bad Ways To Make Any Facet of the Olympic Games More Exciting

Everyone's gotta be naked like in the old days. them Greeks wasn't crazy! (;

Full contact synchronized diving. ( Ummmm...

Arrange a wardrobe malfunction for Lolo Jones, Maria Sharapova and Jennie Finch. (

All events performed while riding llamas. ( Ummmm...

Fill the Olympic diving pool with cement…uh, I mean, Jell-O. ( And give athletes cereal box endorsements with Cap'n Crunch....uh, I mean "Wheaties" (no, I don't).

Add a mane, tail, and long eyelashes to the pommel horse. ( And??? You and the llama guy need to exchange emails.

If you think the new swimsuits helped...put sharks in the pool and really watch the times go down. (

Periodically inject video footage of viewers reactions to having their NBC programming pre-empted for sixteen days. ( Hmmm, maybe that's why every medal ceremony ended with the "Law & Order" sound effect...viewer withdrawal symptoms.

Razor blades on top of the hurdles. (

Electrify anything the athlete touches. Imagine how exciting the hurdles would be...sides of the pool...relay baton...volleyball net...uneven bars... the possibilities are endless! Bwaaaahahaha! (

Winners can immediately auction off their medals, live, on eBay. ( Already been done...look here.

All synchronized events must be done with blindfolds on. (

Here I am, at the 100 yard dash, where thanks to Viagra I am also running the 200, the 400 and the marathon as well and ending with a pole vault. ( The term for that is "looooongshot"!

Have someone sneak in and saw the diving board half way through. ( Seems this would be really funny...ONCE.

Stop with all the niceness and fake friendships at the closing ceremonies and have a large free for all brawl. Last ones standing get to keep the medals. (

Losers get tossed into the Olympic flame. ( Can we also throw Andrea Kremer in there as well? Does this woman actually get PAID to be that lousy an interviewer?

The heck with who can THROW a javelin...let's see someone try to catch one with their teeth. (

The winners:

You mean there's such a thing as a "relaxed" Robin Williams?...

Have an excited Robin Williams narrate. (

This gets even better if the judges are Terri Hatcher , Felicity Huffman and Eva Longoria...

Triple jump is now over a small child, a pet and a pile of Legos while carrying two bags of groceries. (