Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Apr 10)

Really Bad Ploys NBC's Considering to Get You to Watch the Olympics

The guys in the booth are named Bob and Doug. (

Speed Skating with Rollerball rules. ( Now had you said with "Dancing with the Stars" rules...I would have thought it would work.

Dodge-em bobsleds. (

Hiring former hosts of the Oscars as emcees. ( First up: Johnny Carson! Hey-yooooo!!

Strategically planned "wardrobe malfunctions" during each event. (

We have a new armchair event called "Snowball's Chance." You win pints of lager as prizes by watching the most boring events. The more you watch. The more you drink. The better the events look. ( ...and HOW is this different from any of my other nites watching television?

Bobsled races now end in the rink used for figure skating...while the figure skaters are competing! (

Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon won't be on until 2:00 AM. ( 2012!

Appealing to a broader female audience by smirkingly reminding us that cold things contract. (

Asking Humormeonline to ask for really bad ploys to get you to watch the Olympics. ( They did...we did. Unfortunately they didn't stipulate a "due by" date. ;)

At the start of every hour, Jay Leno will push another talk show host off a mountain. (

Every night, a new form-fitting rhinestone costume for Bob Costas. ( Okay, how the heck did my dream-diary get leaked to the Internet???

The Olympic Village has been replaced with a set from Survivor. (

The winners:

Actually, you'll still be able to watch the 2012 summer games...but with the brain-dead commentators that typically report...this sounds logical...

The reminder that this is your last chance to watch the Olympics before the world is destroyed in 2012, according to the Mayan calendar. (

Something tells me that Leno's going to be taking it on the chin...

Full contact late night show host wrestling is a new event. (