Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Jul 08)

All these people get double Rat's Asses - because, because, guys really need to read the forum once in a while.

Really Bad Things a Bartender Says That Sound Naughty, But Aren't
(Suggested by

Don't worry buddy, I'll give you a nice stiff one that'll make you forget all about your ex-wife. (

She drinks a Will Roger's Cocktail--that's her mood drink in that she never meets a man she didn't like. ( Well, I have to admit, it's better than Fred Rogers!

Slow comfortable screw up against the wall? That'll be $3.50. (

Do you come here often? (

Sure, you can eat my nuts. (

You won't mind licking the rim if there's sugar on it. (

Can I offer you a Slippery Nipple? ( Just one?

Harvey Wallbanger's coming!! (

They don't go down until Happy Hour. ( ...which is why they call it "Happy Hour". DUH!

I'd love to see you girls come again tomorrow night. (;

Excuse me ma'am, are you in need of another tea bag? (

Would you like a Saint Pauli girl? ( I'm more into Sam Adams myself.

Hi, Honey. Would you like that stiff? ( Nah, it's pretty much been that way for a month.

Let me give you a highball. (

Sex on the beach! Is that all women want? (;

Haven't I given you enough Screaming Orgasms tonight, Mom? ( Um....MOM???

Bottoms up! (;

That's a sticky mess...let me get you a towel. ( Boy, if I had a dollar for every time I heard this...ummm...I'd have about $3.00.

Waitress, take care of that Suffering Bastard. (

Mind if I salt your rim? (; Salt your...? Um, never mind, I don't want to know THAT badly!!

I really do need to tap that! (

Every day at Happy Hour we put our nuts on the bar. ( And every nite we pick them up off the floor.

I need a stiff one, hold the rocks. (

The winners: got that black eye when you said...

Would you like me to squeeze your lemons for you? (

Yep, if you overdo it, it just dribbles all over the place...

It took a while to learn how to give just the right amount of head but I find I get bigger tips as a result... (