Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Jul 08)

All these people get double Rat's Asses - because, because, well...you guys really need to read the forum once in a while.

Really Bad Things a Bartender Says That Sound Naughty, But Aren't
(Suggested by guitartexn@aol.com)

Don't worry buddy, I'll give you a nice stiff one that'll make you forget all about your ex-wife. (mikepena@socal.rr.com)

She drinks a Will Roger's Cocktail--that's her mood drink in that she never meets a man she didn't like. (humorbear@aol.com) Well, I have to admit, it's better than Fred Rogers!

Slow comfortable screw up against the wall? That'll be $3.50. (ankle_jay@comcast.net)

Do you come here often? (sugarbaybee69@aol.com)

Sure, you can eat my nuts. (guitartexn@aol.com)

You won't mind licking the rim if there's sugar on it. (skibip@aol.com)

Can I offer you a Slippery Nipple? (reidayork@aol.com) Just one?

Harvey Wallbanger's coming!! (ponytayl@cox.net)

They don't go down until Happy Hour. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) ...which is why they call it "Happy Hour". DUH!

I'd love to see you girls come again tomorrow night. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Excuse me ma'am, are you in need of another tea bag? (lovepeaceguy68@aol.com)

Would you like a Saint Pauli girl? (mashallaha@aol.com) I'm more into Sam Adams myself.

Hi, Honey. Would you like that stiff? (tphyll@aol.com) Nah, it's pretty much been that way for a month.

Let me give you a highball. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

Sex on the beach! Is that all women want? (archerjoe@hotmail.com; GerriHan65@aol.com)

Haven't I given you enough Screaming Orgasms tonight, Mom? (cdmauger@aol.com) Um....MOM???

Bottoms up! (sadsack59@hotmail.com; ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

That's a sticky mess...let me get you a towel. (ponytayl@cox.net) Boy, if I had a dollar for every time I heard this...ummm...I'd have about $3.00.

Waitress, take care of that Suffering Bastard. (rod.renner@juno.com)

Mind if I salt your rim? (guitartexn@aol.com; Jdoveraz@aol.com) Salt your...? Um, never mind, I don't want to know THAT badly!!

I really do need to tap that! (DavidGoTribe@aol.com)

Every day at Happy Hour we put our nuts on the bar. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) And every nite we pick them up off the floor.

I need a stiff one, hold the rocks. (cdmauger@aol.com)

The winners:

So...you got that black eye when you said...

Would you like me to squeeze your lemons for you? (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Yep, if you overdo it, it just dribbles all over the place...

It took a while to learn how to give just the right amount of head but I find I get bigger tips as a result... (loonalupe@rogers.com)