Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 4 Jun10)

Really Bad Surprising Facts About the Census

Despite the outcome, there will be a recount in Florida. (

It's one every ten years because that's as high as census-takers can count. (

Those little clipboards? There's a picture of Jimmy Hoffa on 'em! (

The results are kept hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch for three days before Carnak the Magnificant reads them. (

You mean I AM low class?! ( Hey, when it comes to class, I just skip 'em...which explains my GPA.

If you don't mail your form back in, the Census Bureau changes your legal name to Slack Ass Johnson. (

1,472,386 Yorkshire terriers were counted as "one of the family." (

You cannot claim yourself as a minority because you are "cauc-asian". ( Can I claim myself as a minority because I laughed at this? ;)

Your entry: In the 2020 Census, you will be able to indicate your gender as Male, Female and Other. (

The big beer companies use this information along with Super Bowl half-time toilet flush data to plan distribution strategies. (

Fat people count as 3.14 or pie. ( I'd like Cool Whip on mine, please!

In the end, no matter what you do, it doesn't count. (

Census workers don't quit they just take leave of their census. ( ...From the archives of Henny Youngman...

Most of the temporary workers hired by the Census are illegals. (

Kirstie Alley counts as two people! ( Damn, that's harsh. Funny...but harsh.

By filling it out you just opted in for junk mail. (

The census takers are drunk, thereby doubling the number of citizens counted. (

The winners:

When they get to 21, they're arrested for indecent exposure...

Despite the rumor, when they tabulate at the end, they do NOT go "One little, two little, three little...". (

Yep...because the government screws you without asking first...

The question about whether your wife will engage in sex with a total stranger, was added by the guy who came to your house, not the government. (