Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 9 Aug 09)

Really Bad Downsides to Taking 34 Years to Build a 'Toothpick City'

How about the fact that nobody gives a shit when you are finished. (skibip@aol.com; seeker@vcoms.net)

Raising the funds to make Roberto Benigni its mayor (Johnny Stecchino/Johnny Toothpick). :::My obscure movie reference for the month::: (GerriHan65@aol.com) Ya know, Leis...it's nice when people take the initiative to create their own contests WITHIN one of our contests. And when I say "nice" I mean..."annoying".

Now, all you need is a little red trolley and a beautiful day in the neighbourhood and you'll have fond memories of Mister Rogers. (retrometro@rogers.com)

The oodles of red meat stuck in your molars! (jdcoops3@aol.com, ponytayl@cox.net )

The unfortunate Great Chicago Fire re-enactment took 34 seconds. (multislacker@yahoo.com) Luckily, the belly-button lint Mt. Rushmore was completely unscathed. Far be it from me to point out the toothpick de"pick"tion he built was of SAN FRANCISCO...you know...where they had the 1906 earthquake. Sheesh...I'm surrounded by amateurs! Oh wait...nevermind.

By now, Trump already owns it. (GerriHan65@aol.com)

The three marriages you may have to go through to get it done. (sheafitz1@netscape.com) Married? Oh ha ha ha - surely you jest.

P*ssy? What's that? (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com) I rest my case.

Inability to even imagine what a vagina feels like. (TyleredOne@aol.com) Or one that lets you touch it with all the splinters on your fingers.

You're now on the "Tree-Huggers'" watch list. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

To find out you had termites for 6 months. (DOrr221@comcast.net)

You know, your breath isn't too fresh...your teeth Oh My God! Your TEETH!! (muhltrayne@yahoo.com) I used the 34,000 feet of floss to construct the telephone wires and the cables on my suspension bridge...

Becoming the real 40-year-old virgin is a real possibility. (YellowRoseOTX@aol.com)

All of the wasted Martinis and Gibsons that were imbibed during building. Or maybe before, he needed to be fueled by something to come up with that silly idea. (GerriHan65@aol.com) I like this. You think like me. ;)

Finding out that Guinness is about to recognize a 12 year old for building the worlds largest toothpick city. (jbray4@roadrunner.com)

Grocery store you work for is missing 1,000,000 toothpicks and investigators are knocking on your basement door. (DOrr221@comcast.net) And that, my friends, is the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. Correction - he must mean his MOTHER'S basement door. ;)

Is there an upside to taking 34 years to build a "Toothpick City?" (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

He could have finished sooner had he not spent so much time spanking the monkey to the toothpick scene in "Rain Man". (guitartexn@aol.com) That's just sooooo incredibly wrong. Heh...I like it. ;)

Realizing you could have just bought the thing at Pier 1 for $100! Or from Walmart for $19.97, if you're not worried about the lead paint. (wamii_69@yahoo.com)

One drunken idiot at your next party who wants to act like Godzilla ruins a lifetime of work (mcsestretch@gmail.com) Even worse? When you rewind the video, and see that the drunken idiot was YOU!!!

When the store switched from round ones to flat ones and I had to start over. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

All those great nights of playing Dungeons and Dragons you missed with your friends. (rte.99@sbcglobal.net) Thank God you still had time to play WoW.

It's Urban Renewal time... (L2893S@Gmail.com)

That's 34 years wasted that could have been spent on your rubber band collection. (Truckerex@comcast.net) Decisions, decisions.

When you finish it...life would be empty and boring! (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

Parole Board still doesn't feel your completely rehabilitated. (jbray4@roadrunner.com)

The winners:

FINALLY...a logical answer to explain WHY...

This guy has been sniffing way too much glue. (retrometro@rogers.com)

Oh yeah? Well, just you wait and see how many I can create in the NEXT 34 years (he says, while cackling madly)...

After you've spent 34 years building a toothpick city, you don't have any friends to tell about it. (seeker@vcoms.net)