Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 10 Jan 04)

Really Bad Signs That You're Metrosexual
(Topic suggested by

You actually know what "metrosexual" is. (;; half of everyone else)

"It's not a purse, it's a 'manbag'". (

You wash your hands before you wash your hands, after that you wash your hands. (

You complain to Ford Motor Co. that the rear view mirror is set too close to the door to see how your ass looks in your new jeans. ( Paleeeeze...Ford? I think NOT!

You spend more on clothes than your wife does. (

For Christmas you got 3 power, cuticle trimmers and nail buffers, but returned none of them. One for the office, one for the car, and one for your best bathroom at home. You are pathetically ecstatic! (

Your wrists aren't as stiff as they used to be. ( Hey, I'm in my mid-thirties--what is?

Dreams about doing it on the Paris subway system. (I have no idea what metrosexual is.) (

When you break up with your girlfriend you return 5 pairs of her pants, 3 sweaters, a hair band and a Liza Minelli CD. (

You've hired your own personal gardener to do your 'manscaping' for you. (

Your shelf has more types of hair gel than booze. ('s DEFINING Whip...sheesh...this IS the 00's.

You refuse to hold your friend's purse because it doesn't match your shoes, wallet, and belt. (

You look TOO good in a uniform. (

You have an idea for a new show called, "Sex with the City." ( Now, THAT is a really big manhole!

You read Playboy for the articles. (;

You're not attracted to the male models in GQ magazine, but you must admit, their clothes look FAAAAAbulous! (

You know the difference between a "salmon" colored shirt and a "shrimp" colored shirt. ( And know that both look de rigeur with ecru pants.

You're kinda bummed out when gay men don't hit on you. (

You actually watch Entertainment Tonight. ( ...and sing along whenever those dumbass celebrities do the "duh-nuh-nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh!" theme song rendition. (sorry, had to get that off my chest)

I don't have time for this sh%#, I have to peel my mask. (

You haven't heard a new idea yet on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. (

The winners:

Not only that, but you coulda sworn you saw them on a Payless commercial...

You'd like to nail the Victoria Secret model, but those shoes she's wearing are simply hideous. (

Funny, that's the excuse I gave for not watching "Joan of Arcadia"...

You refuse to watch "Will & Grace" 'cause of the excessive violence. (