Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(updated 11 Apr 03)

Really Bad Signs The Restaurant You're In Failed Their Last Health Inspection

When the chef kicks it up a notch, he's barefoot. (

The roaches have diarrhea. (

A rat escorts you to your table, hands you the menu and tells you to take your time choosing. ( Wow, the IRS agents also work as waiters?

The cook stirs the soup to clean his tattoo needle between customers. (

When you get your food, you realize the lights aren't dim for ambiance. (

They serve CHUTNEY! ( You may now cease the "chutney" entries...thank you. ;)

The spaghetti is moving. (

The lobster recommends the take out from the McDonald's down the street. (

The review in the paper contains a skull and crossbones logo. ( Maybe it's a pirate hangout...

Toothpicks at the cashier have tiny bits of meat on them. (

Placemats feature "Top Ten Symptoms of Salmonella". (

The waitress has the menu written on her hand. (

Your side salad looks suspiciously similar to the foliage outside the restaurant. ( Yum...holly berries, foxglove and favourite!

The blue plate special is called, "Your Last Meal." (

All the kinds of salad dressing look like "bleu cheese." (

The name of the restaurant is "Screw the Health Inspectors". ( Groovy, I love theme restaurants!

The cook has a toilet plunger strapped to his waist. (

You encounter a homeless person in the parking lot wearing a neck sign.."Won't Work For Food". (

When you flush the toilet in the bathroom, water trickles out of the sink faucet. (

Busboy pulls double duty as "residual ketchup bottle refiller", as he scrapes remaining ketchup from plates after patrons leave. ( Like having them in direct sunlight for weeks on end isn't bad enough?

When you say "I'll have what he's having", they hand you the plate of the guy at the next table. (

You see their big 99 health score, but why is the rest of the writing upside down? (

My teenager is in charge of keeping the place clean. (

The winners:

I think we all got "tweaked" at this place:

Sign number 12 from this week's HMO's/TOTW is posted under 'Seafood' on the menu board. (

Don't look at it that way - think of it as "tenderizing"...

Waiter wipes his feet as he comes out of the kitchen. (