Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 11 Jan 06)

Really Bad Things To Say While Watching Your Own Home Porn Video

Okay...first off, no jokes about head cleaners? Guys...you are slipping...

I wish I had a bigger part... (murdoctor@aol.com)

Oink! oink! oink! suey! suey! suey! (maxcel200@aol.com)

At least when I just use my hand, I can say I never cheated. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Gotta hand it to 'em....or not.

Hey, how did Ron Jeremy get in there? (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

You know, honey...there's a reason those pants make your ass look big.... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Excuse me while I go throw up. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com; tpanner@hotmail.com) Funny...that's the exact same excuse you gave while we were taping it.

Damn… Someone taped over this with our trip to Hippo World… Oh!?!… Sorry baby… (fparsons@yahoo.com)

I didn't have a very big part in this... (Airfarcewon@aol.com) There are no small parts, only embarrassed lovers.

I don't like that ending. You suppose your mom would be willing to film us again? (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Wow -- gravity really is not your friend, honey. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

Look, hun, even in slow motion it's under a minute. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) ...and that's just the foreplay.

Hey! Why did the screen just go white? Oh, never mind, it's just your enormous, pasty ass. (Omegamagezero@sbcglobal.net)

Hey! I really do look like Tommy Lee.....Jones. (L1061S@go.com)

Doesn't that chick run an online humor website? (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Wow! So that's why they call it 'bumping uglies'! (Kamasushi@gmail.com) Funny, that's what SHE said!

Watch close Grandma, here comes the money shot! (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

This is sort of like a train wreck, I shouldn't be looking, but I can't help myself. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

I've seen bull riders stay on longer than that. (Dspur57098@aol.com) Yeah...but they have something to hold on to.

Okay, okay, so what if it's a short film on two different levels? (davidgotribe@aol.com)

Get daddy another beer will ya punkin'? (holtbolt@comcast.net)

The winners:

I think Emeril might've come up with this idea...

Now see? Rolling you in flour wasn't such a bad idea after all! (pennhead@gmail.com)

And don't keep telling me you were just trying to keep it under budget...

Can you rewind to the very beginning for the climax? (maxcel200@aol.com)