Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 11 Mar 05)

Really Bad Signs You Watch Too Much "CSI"

When your wife asks you to "do the dishes", you pull out your fingerprint kit. (

You estimate time of death every time your wife falls asleep. (

On every date, you casually and surreptitiously save any napkin that he/she may have wiped his/her mouth with, and take it home and put it in a labled envelope... just in case you need a DNA sample someday. ( Yeah, they'll come in handy when you off somebody.

You've run out of pets in the neighborhood to dissect. (

I show up at crime screens and start telling the real CSI people how to do their job. (

You spend your free time digging through garbage dumps and drainage ditches hoping to come up with ideas for the CSI: Home Version game. (

You build a little sidewalk stand with the sign "Autopsies: 10 cents. The coroner is IN". ( It's the one where Charlie Brown is slowly going deaf, while Peppermint Patty discovers that her biological dad is a mob-connected casino owner, and Franklin is a gambling addict!

Instead of simply flushing the goldfish, you take samples of the bowl water, question the ceramic scuba diver, and run a DNA scan on the fish. (

Instead of asking Sue for her chimichanga recipe, I sent it to Greg for spectral and component analysis. (

You can calculate the trajectory of the pee around the toilet to see whether it was your husband or your son who missed the toilet. ( Doesn't really friggin' matter does it...YOU are the one who has to clean it up anyway.

I just found a fiber sample that explains the whole thing. (

You start using words like "Probative" without really knowing what they mean. (

You named your kids Gill, Sarah, Nick and Warrick. ( What, you couldn't adopt one more and name him Greg??

You know what a "floater" is. (

You kill yourself to see if you can solve the murder. (

You start each day with a cheesy 70s rock song. ( Well, you could wake up to your radio in Montgomery. Hell, do these people here KNOW what decade it is??

You can actually see the women on CSI:NY as scientists as opposed to the hot actresses they are. (

You call for an autopsy after your car battery goes dead. (

You have to do a detailed chemical analysis on your leftovers to make sure they're still edible. ( What do you mean "still"?

Your Christmas decorations are STILL up because you "didn't want to disturb the crime scene"! (

You eat all your cigarette butts. (

You keep checking the latest issue of TV Guide to find out the starting date for the next spin-off: "CSI: Sheboygan." ( Between "CSI: Peoria" and "CSI: Nome"...

You let fruit flies take over your house because you're convinced they'll become valuable evidence if you're ever killed in a home invasion. (

Have this urge to use a small mirror to see if people are alive. (

Does dusting my daughter for fingerprints, searching for foreign fibers and looking at her with a blue light when she comes home from a date count? (

The winners:

The bad part is... you work at a restaurant...

You're becoming just a little too expert at spotting semen stains. (

Handwriting analysis indicates that Cad and I are the LEAST disturbed minds here at ReBa...

Luminol? Damitall! (