Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 12 Dec 04)

Really Bad Kids' Christmas Shows "The Family Channel" Won't Play

Why Does My Brother Look Like Saint Nick? (murdoctor@aol.com)

Behind the Red & Green Door (rod.renner@juno.com) We know what YOU want for Christmas.

Santa Meets a 747 (L1061S@go.com)

Freddy Krueger's Red Christmas (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Santa and the Naughty Girls (archerjoe@Hotmail.com) Now we know where he gets his, um, "jollies".

Something's Been Stuck In The Chimney Since Last Christmas (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

Rudolf the Red Assed Baboon. (It may be picked up by Animal Planet, however.) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Five Golden Rings: The Art of Body Piercing (mashallaha@aol.com)

Rudolph the Red-Nosed, Rosacea Suffering Reindeer (cmndrnineveh@aol.com) Brought to you by the fine people at Financea.

Daddy Drinks During the Holiday Season Because You Want So Damn Many Toys (mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

Frosty, The Yellow Snowman (SPTirish@aol.com)

Christmas in Paris . . Hilton (DaJakAiss@aol.com; threetreeshill@yahoo.com) You knew this was coming.

Santa's Workshop....An intriguing look into his secret workshop and why labor laws don't apply here. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

Michael Moore's version of "Miracle on 34th St.", in which Kris Kringle is exposed as the capitalist tool of Macy's that he really is. ( It's a documentary of course, so it has to be true! ) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Clause. A heart warming story of discovery, love and divorce. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com) Daddy was kissing Santa's fine print? EWWWWWWWW

Snoop Dogg's "Krizzle wit' my Nizzles" (MrglsJon@aol.com)

CSI-North Pole. Someone has taken an icicle to Rudolph. Coincidently, venison tacos appear on Santa's breakfast menu. (guitartexn@aol.com)

Godzilla vs. Santa Claus (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Ted Nugent's "Kill It and Grill It Rockin' Reindeer Christmas Hunt" (Truckerex@insightbb.com) Hey, it's harder than it sounds - they can fly and stuff.

It' a Wonderful Life - So Long as I Get Everything I Asked for Christmas (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Who Wants To Marry My Elf (Cantw82paint@aol.com)

Frosty the Puddle!! (gmg247@yahoo.com) "Oh, there must have been some magic in that ol' blowtorch they found...."

Home Alone With A Wet Toaster (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Ho Ho Ho's and Santa Clizzause's Wild Stocking Stuffer Night (razcactus@netzero.com) "Sleigh bell's bling...hey yo' lisnin'?"

"Not-So Little Drummer Boy" starring Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson (threetreeshill@yahoo.com)

The Donder Party...When a storm leaves Santa and the Reindeer trapped in the mountains, they must resort to extreme measures to survive. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com) Uh...I'll "pass".

The X-Mas Files (srch4sat@verizon.net)

The Year Santa Forgot Your Address (WJKbase@aol.com) "Darn, I'm sorry Jimmy, I KNEW we forgot someone when we mailed out those 'Change of Address' cards."

Why Santa is a Myth (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

The winners:

I kinda fi-fi-figured...

Santa is Ho-Ho-Horny (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

The touching story of someone who really believed it was better to give than to receive...

Welcome To Credit Counseling, Charlie Brown (Mahoney_Chris@hotmail.com)