Banter provided by Cad and Leis

(Updated 12 Jan 05)

Really Bad Preparations For Donald Trump's Upcoming Wedding

Best Man? Could it be....SATAN!! (Ringo@illuSchoen.net) Well, not exactly a preparation as much as it's possibly a fact.

Now the list:

Pre-nup, allows him to break off marriage on air during Sweeps Week. (SPTirish@aol.com)

Saving the guest seating chart for Donald Trump's NEXT wedding. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

Getting the right shag carpet sample for the little groom on the wedding cake. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) "Did someone say 'shag'? Groovy, baby!"

Decorate a wheelbarrow to carry the bride's ring. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Omarosa as Maid of Honor: Check. (atwright73@yahoo.com) I don't think Omarosa can be 'maid' to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Buying St. Patrick's Cathedral and sticking his name on it. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Has been shopping for a mink toupee. (DOrr@jam.rr.com)

Shouldn't he be preparing for that "hell" we did in last week's REBA? (guitartexn@aol.com) Okay, okay....if you re-submit this to us by way of time travel to last week, we'll consider it.

To be recorded and broadcast on Pay-Per-View. (jonboyd@hotmail.com)

Wedding vow possible corrections: Do you take this man for... A) richer or for even richer; B) for richer but not quite Bill Gates-er; C) for richer and would you like to spin the wheel or buy a country-er. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Bride's train bearers: 1; Groom's hair bearers: 5. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

All groomsmen and male guests required to have 'Trump hair' as to make it look correct. (RWich928@aol.com) Hmmm..."grooms" and "Trump hair" in the same sentence...maybe kinda like an oxymoron?

One last scan of the Internet to be SURE he's found the dumbest bimbo available. (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

Practicing the hand motion with "You're Married!" (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) If it's the hand-motion I'm thinking of, The Donald better get used to it...

Have gold monograms engraved on the plastic cutlery. (paracletus3@aol.com)

The number of over and under odds in years that Trump's casinos are laying as to how long this marriage will last (maxcel200@aol.com)

Why don't they save time & money by just setting up for the divorce? (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Silly you - that makes for a whole OTHER ReBa list!

Hiring Adam Sandler to actually be the wedding singer. (t_fromthe_edge@yahoo.com)

In the vows, we'll be substituting "You're fired" for "'til death do us part". (jd8375@msn.com)

Only the highest quality Trump air will be pumped into the church for guests to breathe. Specially filtered for germs, molds, spores, and other troublesome particulates, Trump air is also lightly scented with "The Donald's" latest cologne made, of course, with only the highest quality ingredients. (tpanner@inorbit.com) Yeah...like nitrous oxide.

Ushers rope off last row of seats for ex-wives. (skibip@aol.com)

Confetti made up of shredded $100 bills. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

All guests will be issued shock collars to prevent hysterical laughter when the oaths are taken. (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

The winners:

Hey, I'd need a scorecard too, if I were him...

In a 'slight' shortcoming, the invitations state the incorrect bride. (WJKbase@aol.com)

Some may or may not be getting their calls earlier...

Reviewing a list of gold diggers waiting for a call after the divorce. (Eleman8859@aol.com)